Hey Sr_Cela, I am so very sorry for your loss and everything you’re going through. I just went through losing my 93 yr old Mother 2 weeks ago. Losing her is a very hard pill for me to swallow. It’s emotionally hard carrying on in this house where I took care of her for 19 years. I know there are no words to take your pain away but what I can tell you is that I feel the love you feel for your Mother. She can feel it too. Please know that it is perfectly ok to not be ok right now. Your heart is hurting. It’s ok to cry, it’s ok to grieve. It’s understandable. It’s expression of love. I’m having to realize and remember how my Mom was. If one of her children were feeling down, she would feel the same and do everything she could think of to lift our spirits. She wanted us to have joy and see us smiling. I walk around a lot of times with a painted on smile, hiding to everyone what I really feel on the inside. Heartbreak over losing my sweet Mom but what I’m also realizing is my Mom is in Paradise. There’s no more pain, no more suffering, no tears of sadness for her, only happiness. That brings me so much peace. Though my flesh misses her, my Spirit rejoices because of where she is. She is where the streets are paved in gold, where there are mansions after mansions. Where joy, smiles, pure happiness, forever great health, unity and everything wonderful about love exists. I’m becoming more and more able to celebrate her life. Everything she taught me, the funny things she did and said. All of the most beautiful memories made with her. I realized I had to be at peace so she could also be at peace. She is surrounded by peace and my loved ones who went on before her. That makes me float in joy. Sure I have my moments of tears because I miss her so much and it’s ok to do that. It’s just a continuation of forever love. I take joy in continuing in her legacy. She would want that. I know that with every inch of my being. I take pride in passing that love she gave everyone on to everyone. When we master peace, we receive the masterpiece. The ability to generate the kind of love we experienced with our Mothers. To make that love contagious. Please know that your sweet Mother loves you so much and is so very proud of you. No, I did not know her nor you personally, but I do know what God said. I know what He promised. That if we love Him, honor Him and adore Him, we will have everlasting life with Him. That He will never leave us, He’ll be right there to carry us through. That weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning. Morning may not come right at this very moment but it will come. He’s an on time God. I urge you to keep a strong and loving support with you. Right here with these beautiful people is a wonderful thing. I’m new here but I believe that. I’m Praying comfort and strength over you. Continue your beautiful Mothers’ legacy of love. Blessings in overflow to you.~
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I’m glad you’re smiling! I think it’s ok to let yourself find hope in the the middle of grief, and smiling and getting counseling/being open about your situation a goodbye sign of that. I’m so proud of you for fighting to get through this! I love you and I know you’re gonna make it through!