Hello! Im 17 years old, female. My mom and dad have been divorced for as long as I can remember. She recently got a new boyfriend from Tinder.
About an hour ago (at 1 AM) I went out of my room for a glass of water. The walls in our house are VERY VERY VERY thin. I heard them fucking. About 30 minutes later she comes into the kitchen (I was sitting there watching tiktoks (fucking dumbass, should’ve just done that in my room)).
We started joking around. And I mentioned that I heard what they were doing as a joke. Mind you I was laughing in a friendly and understanding manner. She was, too. Until when she started saying that I should stop and that I did it on purpose (which is?? for what??)
She told the guy. They started arguing. He said that they should’ve done it at his house. My mother asked whether he even thought of them having a long-term relationship or living together. He didn’t answer and then left. I FEEL SO HORRIBLE!!! THE GUY IS SUCH A DOUCHEBAG. Partially, I also think it is my fault, shit.
Anyways, HOW DO YOU HELP A HEARTBROKEN MOTHER?
Hey fullysaddo - First of all welcome to heartsupport and thank you for posting here. Second, you definitely can’t blame yourself in this situation. Your mom and her boyfriend are the only two in their relationship, it sounds like their communication with each other could use a lot of improvement. No matter what you do, the decisions they make and conversations they have are absolutely up to them to work out. So for sure don’t put that blame on yourself. As far as your mom being heartbroken and how to help her, just be there for her and make sure she knows you care and are there. Maybe ask her what you can do to help support her through the breakup and beyond? Likely there won’t be anything related to the break up that you can particularly help with, but (as a mom) I bet she would love to just do something together with you and spend a little quality time with her daughter right now. If all else fails, there’s always ben & jerry’s and some sappy movies!!
This is TOTALLY not your fault, and honestly (27F, several boyfriends’ worth of experience) your mom is better off without this guy who sounds rude and weird. It’s ok if you feel sad for your mom’s hurt feelings, but it is NOT your FAULT. You didn’t cause this guy to be rude and weird. Your mom sounds like a strong lady to have come through a divorce and decided to continue looking for love. She’ll be okay, and if you want to support her, the best thing to do might be to ask her how
Sorry you’re going though this awkward situation! I agree with MommaFoxFire, this is not your fault. If the guy is a douchebag (your words), then she’s probably better off anyway.
Hello, MommaFoxFire! I thought that nobody would respond to this, so thank you very much, I really appreciate it!!!
My mom told me this morning that I was laughing at her (which I wasn’t, I was making a joke about how they could’ve done it when they were alone) and that she deserved to do what she wants since it’s her house, even though she did feel ashamed that I noticed that they were doin’ lil’ bit more than a smoochin’ in her room. It could be that I’m overdramatic, but I feel guilty and sad that my mom feels that way. I feel her beginning to distance herself from me again :,( I woke up early in order to make herself breakfast and wash her shoes. But I just don’t know how to tell her to watch a movie with me or to do something bonding together. Thank you again for replying!
Thank you, fionnafiers! Even though I dont know you irl and possibly never will, you made me feel better I will try asking her how I can help, but I’m scared she will take it the wrong way (as if I was pitying her and doing it our of guilt)
Thank you for the support, bitemarque! I feel like she thinks that she doesn’t deserve love, after all. She had failed in her marriage, another boyfriend of 10 years, some flings on and off and the guy of this story. She told me about it some months back. She said that even her mother never loved her. I’m sorry that I’m saying all of this right now to you, there’s just nobody I can confide irl. How could I make her feel better?
I am HAPPY to respond to you! I love this site - there is always someone around to help us through any situation, it’s amazing!
It might feel really awkward, and you can even say/acknowledge that right up front and say - hey mom, this might sound weird, but do you want to spend some time together just you and me?
When my daughter says that to me, I IMMEDIATELY feel better about my day and EVERYTHING else around me, even if I’m not able to spend time with her right that second. So maybe just something like that could help?
Don’t judge her just love her let her know you are there for her and that you care about her regardless of her actions it’s called unconditional love.
oh yeah, that’s for sure! I would never judge her, I always encourage her to go out of her comfort zone and experience life (in a good way, of course)
Update: I did what you said! We went out after work together to get ice cream and bonded over listening to our fav tracks on our way home. Thank you very much! It feels as if you are the bigger sister/aunt I never had <3
I’m so glad y’all were able to spend some time together! Hopefully that helped smooth things over and I’m sure she appreciated the bonding! <3