First time posting here, I really needed a place to get my thoughts out.
I don’t know what to do with myself honestly, of where to start. I recently left a job I had for 2 years and had gotten into a new place. Thing is though, at this new place, only a couple days in and I want to leave. It is making me severely unhappy.
I don’t have a problem with anyone there, it’s just something about the job environment is triggering something in my mind. I wake up with anxiety every day thinking about going to work there. It’s getting to be really bad. Anxiety getting more and more out of control it feels like, and I feel in my soul it will only get worse. I feel it is severely damaging my mental health.
I have tried telling my boss that I’m not enjoying my time there, or that position. She tells me she thinks I do well and I’m just being hard on myself. I don’t know what to do. My issue isn’t that I don’t feel capable of doing the job, it’s for some reason being there makes me extremely upset. I have cried so much in these last 2 weeks than I have in months.
I feel so guilty that I am wasting everyone’s time there, and that I shouldn’t leave. But I am so unhappy there, I want to leave. I want to try something else. But I can’t find the courage to just up and quit. It’s all very frustrating. I didn’t know I would be affected this way when I applied. Obviously I wouldn’t have done so if I had known.
I feel really awful about myself and this situation. I don’t know what to do, or what to say to get them to understand. I can’t seem to stress enough, even if it’s cliche, it is not them it is me. I don’t want to be stuck in a job I cry every day about, and me crying is not their fault.
Sorry if that got to be too much of a rant. Thank you to anyone who reads. <3
I’m so sorry that this work environment is causing so much anxiety! Do you think it’s anything in particular or it’s just that this isn’t what you need for yourself right now?
In some cases the “just stick with it” logic can be applied, but it sounds like this is not one of those cases. Particularly when it’s worsening your mental health!
Sometimes there is aspects of jobs that people don’t enjoy, but if the over-all feeling is causing you this level of stress and unhappiness then I’d hate to see you stuck there and the feelings either just staying constant or worsening.
Sounds like your boss perceives this as you adjusting and as you said, you already know your capable and that’s not the problem. It’s hard to communicate your needs when others think they have the idea of what’s wrong, but are in fact not getting the whole picture.
Is sacrificing your well-being worth it in the end? Is this a job where you know that the end goal is something you know you want for yourself or is it just a place providing income for now?
If you can honestly say that there is nothing anchoring you to this position, then you shouldn’t have to feel that your obligated to stay just “because”.
Not to diminish what you bring to the team at all when I say this, but positions can be re-filled.
Unfortunately sometimes it’s the trial and error method when it comes to new jobs. You can’t predict the exact environment and how it affects you or if it’s perfectly suited to your needs with 100% assurance.
Even if it starts with cutting back a few hours until you find somewhere else, it’s got to be better than remaining with the lingering anxiety.
I do hope you’re taking care of yourself through this.
It’s hard for me to pin down. I think I just generally do not like the particular job. And it’s my fault for applying to a position I should have figured I wouldn’t like. I didn’t “love” my old job, but I stayed with it for years despite the things that may have upset me some days. I eventually just wanted a change, and then when it came to it I went to a job that was similar. This place though, I don’t know why I can’t get through it.
This job is just a source of income right now. I want to move to a different department in the company that I think I will like more, but they make the process really hard. I have to reapply and go through the whole interview process again in order to do it. Which I will, but I don’t want to be working in my current department still. I know that sacrificing my well-being is absolutely not worth it. If I’m so unhappy, I know it’s going to bleed into my work. Even if they think I’m doing well now, it will get worse. I don’t know how to stand up for myself enough to tell them I am done there without getting convinced to “Stay just until XX date” “We have some other people training if you could just stay until they are trained” etc.
Tomorrow I will try talking to my boss again that I want to leave, that it is just not suited for me. I realize that the role can be filled again, that’s totally fine to me. I’d be happier knowing that someone else was put there and is happy, or able to handle it better than I can.
I hope you don’t place blame on yourself for how you’re feeling and for applying to the job. It’s not something you were to have known.
It must be frustrating not being able to pin point what it stems from, but all in all, you come first.
I hate the guilt trip of being told or asked to “just stay” or “you’ll be fine”, you know your own self better than anyone and you have no obligations to stay in an environment that is causing you this distress.
If you are comfortable let us know how that conversation with your boss goes
Finally able to reply to this. I have since quit and am moving forward. I feel better knowing I don’t have to go back. Of course there are still fears of the future, wondering what other job I’ll get etc. But certainly there are going to be better things out there.
It was really hard quitting. It sort of happened on my way to the job, and as I was driving I just couldn’t handle going there another day. I was so depressed with life in that moment, and it was getting worse every day it continued. I called her, but no one picked up, so I left a voicemail. Haven’t been called back since. It was probably better this way. I know if she would have answered or I saw her in person, I wouldn’t have been able to stand up for myself. It’s still something I’m trying to work on.
Thank you for the people here. It has helped a lot having a place to just let thoughts out that I’m too worried to tell other people in my life.
That’s huge! I’m so proud of you and so happy for you!
How’re you feeling now?
It takes small steps to stand up for yourself, and you took one of those steps. They probably should have contacted you back, but that’s not on you at all. I hope you feel a bit more peace about it and that the anxiety subsides with it.
Doing what’s right for ourselves doesn’t always look right to others, but in the long run, it’s not their well-being you need to think of, it’s yours.