I post way too often, but that’s just how chaotic life is for me. But this isn’t about me. This is about my nine year old.
He’s a sweetheart, a jokester, full of energy, and also ADHD, but between his siblings and the isolation from other children his own age due to COVID, has distressed him enough to be diagnosed with depression. Some days it’s obvious and I hate seeing him like that because I know how it feels. Other days it’s not noticeable. I got him a therapist, because I know it’s hard for him to talk to me. He acts so nervous and I get it; He’s seen me have mental breakdowns and knows if I go to the hospital that it’s because “I’m sad.” I’ve always hoped the times he witnessed these things it would not affect him, but at this point, I’m not sure if it’s just me or his whole environment. I know my mother is not the best influence either. She can be physically and mentally abusive and can never be told that without flipping out.
I got him into therapy because I knew whooping him and screaming at him was never going to resolve a thing and it may lead him to have issues just like me. I know I also can be too intense in my emotions when trying to talk to him, and I felt this was important to do for his mental health. He would grab his smaller siblings roughly and fuss at them. And when I see him do it or hear him like that, it reminded me of my mom and it reminded me of the few times I have been aggressive towards others (before my anger management and groups).
Well sometimes it feels as if it’s getting worse for him. Yesterday, I asked him to get a tiny cheese and fruit knife so I could cut up my mango for them to share. As he was bringing me the knife, as if it were a joke, he said “I wish I could drop a knife on the twins’ heads sometimes.” Of course, my literal response was " Woah! What the fuck? What did you just say." I had a surprising tone and I guess how I responded made him worry like usual. When I say like usual, if you ask him to repeat himself, he kind of shuts down and gets a nervousness about him. He stutter stepped in repeating himself thinking I was mad at him, but it was only that I needed reassurance in what I had just heard.
I addressed the situation with a calm conversation and after he went back to playing I immediately called to reschedule the appointment with his therapist that I had previously cancelled due to school testing. I am going to be honest, his statement made me worry for the safety of the twins, and it made me worry that if he feels violent towards his siblings, is he thinking that way about other people? More importantly, it makes me wonder is he having suicidal ideations? I’m a little afraid that one of these days I’ll take him to therapy and they decide to take him to a hospital and admit him. One thing that keeps me going is my children and even the thought of having one of them hurting the way he does, concerns me.
hey there @grandmastrqueen ,
First off, thank you for sharing what is going on with your life with yourself and your kids. You didnt have to post here but you did because you know something isnt right here .
Yeah screaming and yelling at the kids isnt the best thing to do it would just scare them and make them feel like if they did this or that they will expect this behavior . Always speak to them in a soft calm manner . When you say he grabs at the siblings and fuss with them is it because they do something to trigger it or is it due to whos the closest to him . From prior experiences with me i would go 0-100 within seconds when i was younger and i would attack my sister because what she would say or do to cause this situation. You are not alone in this.
With the whole knife situation i personally dont think its suicidal ideations because if it was he would be doing it to himself not his siblings . He may say that due to frustration or something that triggered those moment of words . I have a question for you , has he been feeling like hes jealous since the other siblings have been born or have you been focusing more on them then him . I know you got him into Counseling Psychology ( outpatient help) . I know he may not mean what he says but its also good to let the therapist know about your concerns of what he does. Not every child will open to their parents on how they are feeling/ how they are doing that day . Its a trust thing . You got to earn their trust to have them come to you …
When it comes to this Clinical psychology (severe impatient) is the best thing to do . They will get your child the right medication and the right help he needs to become healthier.
I remember an old friend of mine had sent threats to someone at my old school because they found out some information about a certain someone ( i dont remember the whole situation) she did end up getting expelled from the school cause of how bad it was.
Anyways i hope you and your son and the rest of your family get to get some answers soon.
Hold Fast , You’re worth it
-Ashley
I know he’s frustrated with his siblings. To be honest I am even frustrated with them especially with the terrible twos, but I have never threatened any of my children in such a manner, so I’m not sure if it just popped into his head while carrying the knife to me or what. I do all I can to get him to open up to me. I know it’s unethically and most parents would shun me for this, but I told him only around me can he use cuss words as “sentence enhancers.” Funnily enough he has not once cussed. After so many options to allow him to verbally express himself and his lack of using those options, I decided the therapy was best. But today my mother and father asked if he could go to Philadelphia and play with his older cousins for the week and I find that maybe good for him.
@grandmastrqueen
yeah that possibly will be good for him just have him keep you updated or have him right down how he is feeling. but i wish you the best of luck and i hope your son feels better soon .