My parents are getting meaner and meaner as I get older, (Im still a minor btw). They constantly talk about how they miss the “old me” or how ungrateful I am. Once I got grounded for not wanting to go to my grandma’s because I had bad menstrual cramps because apparently I was “twisting the situation to my advantage”. My mom gives me the silent treatment when she gets mad and my dad to a lesser degree. There are so many times where they have hurt not only me, but my mental health too. For example making fun of my panic attacks, not taking my suicidal thoughts seriously, or thinking that my therapist is crazy for saying it’s ok for me to go places within three blocks of my house. I’m constantly scared and tired of dealing with them.
Thank you so much for having the courage to share. My mom gives me the “I miss the old you” schtick a lot and it hurts. But I want you to know that you are loved now for who you are. Do you have anywhere you can get away to when you don’t feel safe around your parents? I understand that you’re still a minor but is there a friend that you can go to?
Hi! Thanks for replying. I’m sadly only allowed to go out with friends under specific circumstances and once a week at most. This made me feel a lot better though.
Wow. The ending where you say you are suicidal changes the way I was thinking.
Honey… your parents are scared to lose you. They are probably not showing you in the right way, because no one can teach you how to be a good parent, and it’s not like you need to get a license to become a parent…
They know you have issues and they don’t know how to deal with it themselves. They think ‘she can’t go to [place within 3 blocks], she might get a panic attack or commit suicide’. They wanted you to come to grandma no matter what, because you’d see more family and not be alone.
I am not saying it’s okay for your parents to make fun of it at all!! I’m saying they probably care more than you think.
If you think whatever I said is nonsense, then ignore it I don’t know your parents that well. Just trying to base myself off what you wrote.
I am sorry you are feeling to tired and stressed out about the relationship with your parents Sakuya, I remember how hard it was to get along with my mom when I was a teenager. You are not crazy for finding it difficult. As I got older, and my relationship with my parents changed, I realized my mom was scared. It made her make strange or even upsetting choices. It didn’t make it easier on me to know that, but it helped me cope with all the difficult things we went through. Hold fast <3
So I have a eating disorder and my parents act somewhat the same. I went to rehab and found out a lot about the Family System. My Parents would never talk about their past so I assumed my parents were also abused when they were younger. Now my parents never “abused me” but they dident know how to parent. They grew up in a certain Society that had their own idea of how i should act or treat people and myself. My dad always thinks i dont have this or that when i do.
I can relate to issues with my parents. Although I never had the silent treatment, I was verbally abused and emotionally neglected. I mean, my parents have always been good at showing they love me through material things, but when it comes to expressing it through words/affection, they are horrible at it. I would constantly be compared to friends, my mental health wasn’t taken seriously, and my dad would blame me for my mother nearly dying when I was born saying that doing whatever he needed was “the least I could do for him” but a few hours/days later would feel bad and buy something as an apology. I kinda had to overlook that and realise that they do actually love me, it’s just that they never learnt how to show their love in ways that don’t involve spending money on me or buying me things.As a minor, it can be hard because you don’t feel like you can escape it, but SERIOUSLY look at how you can get away, even temporarily when you’re at the age you can. Go off to college, get a job and move out. You can still love your parents FROM A DISTANCE. I wish that when I was a minor, I had found HeartSupport, because honestly, they’re the only thing that got me through living in my household with mentally abusive parents, and they are the ones that helped get me out of that.
You’ve got a community of people here that understand you - you can rise above this.
I am sorry you are struggling with this. it is hard to know truly how your parents feel but we have to remember that sometimes they arent perfect. perhaps maybe discuss with them how you are feeling so that you both can heal from this.
I hear you. It was really smart of you to post about what is going on. Hopefully something said here is helpful. For me, I am not going to pretend to know what is happening with your parents. I do notice that you are in therapy. Have you discussed the communication issues that you are having at home with your therapist? I wonder if perhaps you could ask your therapist if they would help you plan a sit down and have them set it up to talk in the office with your therapist, to help speak.
Hey @Sakuya we covered you topic on the HeartSupport Twitch stream today! Here’s the live video response.
I mean it’s not perfectly in line but I see how my mom could think like this. I think she’s more scared because she grew up in a dictatorship and knew a person kidnapped in that time. This however did remind me I should be more gentle with her because in a addition to that scare she has stress that she takes out on me occasionally because of her job. Looking back I’m still scared of my parents but if I hide me and my sister they can take their anger elsewhere.
This really helped me. I’ll use it next time things get heated up. <3
Woah are we the same person?! I had extremely similar experiences. Material things as love was how my mom showed her love in the early years of my life when she had to work 24hr shifts at the hospital. I really should appreciate them more. Also my form off escapism is my dream to move from Minnesota to California. So this made me feel not so alone. <3
WOW. While not everything matched up and some experiences I didn’t feel comfortable sharing because of how scary they were I definitely gained perspective. We are doing occasional family therapy and I hope this makes things better in the long run. Y’all are great!
Oh sorry if you’re just passing on the message.
Hi! Um I’m doing my best. Usually it’s my small time to vent but we’re looking for solutions. Thanks for reading!
I know personally how hard it is to please your parents when all they do is beat you down. I’ve been told that they wanted to give me to an orphanage by my own father and physically abused by him when he found out I’d cut myself. That hurt me so much. It made me want to commit suicide even more. But eventually, I had to realize that they do not get to define my happiness. I had to do that myself. Put yourself first. They have expectations, but they will always be disappointed because their desires are not yours. They need to realize that you are your own person. I promise you it will get better if you just hang in there. Don;t take what they say and do personally. There is so much more in life than your parents. Please hang in there. Please dont give up! DO it for yourself. You are worthy of everything and anything you want. Love included.