About a month ago my parents found out I was talking to a guy, at this point we were talking for two months. They found out about him and they said he’s not a good person and his family is full of bad people and he is not taking school seriously like me and I could do way better. At the time I lied to them and said I broke things off when in reality I didn’t. A week ago they found out I was still talking to him and I again lied and said not it was our last call we were just getting closure. Yesterday I hung out with him and on the way back we took separate cars but he followed me home since we live close by, however he was driving recklessly and was speeding, I was stopped at a light and he came very fast behind me and rear ended me. It was pretty bad and I’m still in a lot of pain from it. I lied to my parents again and said it was a coincidence he was the one who hit me but they obviously figured it out. I feel so dumb and stupid for lying to them that many times. They told me they are so disappointed and ashamed in me and have zero trust in me at all. I really don’t blame them and now I see how stupid I was and I should’ve never done any of that. I really really really like this boy but after the accident I blocked him off everything and I kind of realized how badly he could have hurt me. He put my life in danger and it was really scary. It was the wake up call I needed and now I really am done with it all. I just feel so terrible for lying to my parents so many times and I want to do whatever it takes to make it up to them. I know it’s going to take a long time but I will wait as long as it takes. I just feel really sad and lonely and like a failure to my parents because they have done nothing but love me and provide for me. I just need some advice as to how I should gain their trust again and if you think it will happen or if anyone has been in a similar situation. I have apologized to them this morning and I told them all this, they said they are happy that I am ok after the accident but they are sick and tired of the lies and how dumb it makes them look and feel. They told me they love me but I need to get my life together and stay on track. That’s all I want to do, I just want this all to be over I can’t handle it anymore. I feel like in the end it is all my fault I’m left alone and sad and feeling worthless. I also feel so bad about my boyfriend because we never properly ended things and I don’t think I will ever contact him again out of respect for my parents and I really hope he is ok and understands the situation and how I feel. He told me he can’t lose me and I feel the same way about him but after he hit me I just feel like he really didn’t think about how much he could have hurt me and that’s not a good thing. A lot of things happened so fast I’m still processing everything especially losing him and my parents catching me in all these lies. I really am done now with everything.
Hello @Bekind_4,
Welcome to HeartSupport! We’re so glad you’re here <3
It definitely sounds like a lot is all happening at once, and it can be more than fine to feel overwhelmed. You’ve already started by apologizing and telling your parents the truth. Keep being honest with them, even if it’s difficult conversations. Talk openly with them about your feelings and what you learned from this experience. Let them know you understand why they’re upset.
Take time to heal emotionally and physically from the accident. This experience might be a sign to re-evaluate what you want in a relationship. Healthy relationships are built on trust and respect.
Many people experience lying to parents and navigating complicated relationships. The key is to learn from your mistakes and rebuild trust.
It won’t be easy, but you can rebuild trust with your parents and move forward in a healthy way. Take things one step at a time, focus on yourself, and prioritize your well-being.
Hey there,
Thank you for sharing your experience with us. This must be very overwhelming, all happening at once. I am so sorry to hear about your accident. I hope you are doing okay, having a speedy recovery, and taking the time to properly heal. You are very brave for following your heart and doing what you think is right. I think having a heart-to-heart conversation with your parents is the best way to go about this. I think telling them about the boy and the reasons you liked him, that you understand they want the best for you, and that you have learned from this could help them see the situation through your eyes. Your parents have been your age at some point and will for sure understand everything you are going through. If they are a little cold or upset, it is just because they care and want to see you living your best life. Try talking it out, and let us know if there is anything else we can help with <3
Hi there,
I want to start by saying your feelings are completely valid. I also hope you are doing well after the accident, but make sure to take the time you need to completely heal, and feel well again.
My greatest piece of advice to you would be to sit down and have an honest conversation with your parents if possible. While it may be difficult, laying everything out for them and explaining your feelings bit by bit may serve as a mending bridge between you all.
Remember to take as much time as needed to heal and sort through your feelings. It can be tricky, but you got this.
Hey friend.
This seems to be one heavy of a situation, and I appreciate you taking a moment to talk about it. Familial stuff always seems to hit the hardest, at least for me, so I think I can sympathize with where you’re coming from.
In your post, you mentioned seeing a boy that your parents warned you was maybe a bad influence based on certain factors or indicators that they had seen. Sounds like they knew his family, perhaps there was a history or reputation there. Despite saying you broke things off, you actually didn’t, which resulted in an accident that sort of snapped you into thinking that your parents were totally correct. Now that guilt and maybe even the feeling of shame is washing over you.
Perhaps it feels like you were also reckless and ignorant. Like you should have known better. Perhaps, in a few ways, it feels like you are also just as reckless as this boy because you couldn’t heed a warning. And the feeling at disappointing parents makes you feel empty. Perhaps like you have to walk on eggshells or like it’s hard to show your face around them because that cloud still looms over you.
The way you’re feeling is valid - first and foremost. I don’t know your age or anything of that nature - and don’t share that here - but people make mistakes. You are a human after all. To expect perfection from yourself is to deny yourself the grace that you would give anyone else, right?
When I was a teenager, I had my fair share of issues. Teenager things. I stole dumb things from stores, etc
Once, when I stole, I was overwhelmed with guilt. I was just young enough that I thought I’d be arrested for shoplifting. And the guilt rattled me so much that I confessed to my parents. My dad looked at me and said “I’m not mad, I’m just disappointed.”
And he didn’t look at me for over a week. A pit opened up in my stomach like a black hole. To see the light dim in his eyes as, in his mind, I was now a little thief. It tore me in two. I didn’t sleep or eat for a few days. Over time, things went back to normal. And eventually, i started going out all night, sneaking out etc. Friction came and went. My parents never stopped loving me.
But now, being 32, I realize that the way my parents expressed their disappointment did a lot of damage. I’ve actually spent a lot of time in therapy trying to remind myself that I’m not a failure or disappointment. That good people do dumb things because that is the human condition in a nutshell. Now that I’ve moved out of the house and am living my entirely own life, my dad doesn’t remember any of that stuff much. We don’t talk about it. Because it ultimately, isn’t the point.
There’s something to be said about our situations being different. Safety and all of that. Relationships carry bigger weight, as do the mistakes that happen in one.
But what I am saying, is that I do not think you are worthless. You can disappoint someone, as we all will, without BEING a disappointment. Those are different things. And i believe that a day will come where this will be but a distant memory.
I’m not sure what solace my personal story has for you. But I hope it holds something. Hold fast my friend. You’re worth it.