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My Story (First Post)


#1

Hi, guys, this is my first post. I found out about this from Heart Support’s youtube which I had been watching for a few years now. I thought it was so cool that the bands I loved could share their stories and uplift their fans. I just found out it was an entire nonprofit and community tonight. To start off I would like to share at least part of my story and how I am recovering. It all started three years ago when I was thirteen. I was so alone and depressed and I was actually losing all sanity. I just felt so hopeless and alone. A series of events happened that I still can’t speak fully about happened in my life at this point. This led to five suicide attempts that year, a severe relapse in self-harm (i have been hurting myself since I was nine.), eating disorders, I was homeless for a little while (not living on the streets homeless, but not having anywhere permanent to live homeless.) Eventually, I moved and I met some great people (where my skeleton clique at?) but I still couldn’t talk about what had happened the year before. Nobody knew. This led to even more self-harm, another suicide attempt, and other stuff that I don’t talk about because remembering just hurts too much most of the time. But then my mom found out about some of it and I was hospitalized for the first time. That summer between eighth and ninth grade was pretty great. I visited my grandparents and I went to Warped Tour. But I was also struggling a lot within, particularly my sexuality. Things hurt a lot and my self-harm got even worse. Let me tell you now, my idea of how I wanted to spend the end of my summer was not limping into the ER at midnight with blood running down my legs a week before school started either. But that’s what happened and luckily I was discharged two days before school started again. What I think happened though was the hospital didn’t want me to miss the first few days of school so they discharged me a tad early. Or maybe I’m just dumb and have horrible coping mechanisms. (Actually, I know that last one is true.) So my self-harm elevated immensely. My friends tried to help me the best they could but they couldn’t help much. And just as I started to get better, I moved again. It sucked. But literally two weeks before I had moved I met this really sweet guy who was super understanding so that’s nice. But my self-harm got so bad. Like hundreds of new scars a day bad. I was so addicted. And the guy I was talking about (my best friend) was there for me through it all. But I got so stuck in that horrible and hopeless state of mind that I tried to take my life again. I was hospitalized again and this was my most severe and intense hospitalization yet. I was in there for a looooonnnnggg time. And also almost as soon as I got out my cat died and then my dad lost his job. But eventually, I started the new type of therapy that I am still on (its called EMDR) it is for trauma recovery. I started to feel really good. And then something happened at a church camp over the summer. This girl kind of sexually assulted me. And then I had to start a new school. Right now, I’m doing pretty okay. I mostly signed up for this site as a future resource because there is a huge chance I will need it in the future. These days I mostly just feel kinda numb. But its ok and I’m powering through. My therapy is helping a lot. Also sorry this is long. Have a nice day everyone!
-Emma


#2

Hey Emma! Thaks for reaching out! We’re glad to have you here :slight_smile: i’m a little new to this too :slight_smile: I’m happy to hear you’re doing better tho! Continue to seek the Light in each day. It’s there i promise :slight_smile: There is Beauty that come can out of the darkest of moments. We just have to allow it.
I hope you have a great day/night!
Hold fast!


#3

Hi and welcome. I know that life is very harsh especially when people & circumstances end up damaging you. It gets tough and sometimes you can’t fully recover from it. You want it to go away and the suffering that comes with it.
I am glad you have found some support and have joined the community. May Light & positivity encompass you. Blessed be.


#4

Emma,

Wow – there’s so much pain here in such a short season of your life…filling in the blanks of what you left out – I’m so sorry that happened to you, friend. I can’t pretend to imagine the pain and the fear and the trauma that caused…I can see how terrible it was by looking at the rest of your story, and how intensely you want to forget that and to fill the hole it left in your life…I’m so sorry :\

You’ve got this internal thing though that just won’t let you go…and I love that. I love that piece of you that fights whether or not you want to. That place in your heart or your spirit that holds onto hope, holds onto faith, believes that in the end you’re going to be okay. I agree with that piece of you :slight_smile:

Here’s something I’d love to do – I’ll shoot you an email, and I’d love to send you a copy of our book on overcoming self-harm called ReWrite. It doesn’t replace therapy, but it does give you something to help you fight for progress in between sessions. And it’ll dispel the myth that you’re alone and that you’re crazy for being where you’re at.

I hope you continue to use this resource, because Emma, I want so much better for your life…I see a future for you, a hope that is worth living towards, a life full of healing and freedom and love and worthiness…where the hole inside of your chest isn’t what controls you, but the love that has filled it. I have faith your life will take the positive turn you’ve always hoped it would. <3

Thank you for sharing and trusting us with your story.

-Nate


#5

Thank you! You too! It honestly means a lot. Stay strong friend.


#6

Thank you. I am glad to find this community too. Especially since I haven’t really made any close friends at my new school yet. (It’ll take some time :)) Thank you for the kind words.


#7

Thank you so much for the kind words nate. They mean a lot. It has been pretty hard these past few years but I am just beginning to open up. I would love to read rewrite sometime, maybe there is a digital version? If there isn’t don’t worry about it.

I honestly wish I could agree with you on all of your kind words. I’m not strong. I’ve only held on because I have no other choice. And I have given up many times. I do hope that my life ends up well, I am not positive that its going to happen however. But I’m working on it. I’ll eventually believe the kind things that you say. They mean a lot. Once again, thank you!