I feel so mad and upset about everything I literally cannot take this shit anymore I hate being moody and mad about every little thing and just mad at everyone for just not being perfect which is crazy from me when I’m the most sad and angry Mf all the time and I hate feeling posseive over everything and everyone even when I just feel like a comeplete Slut legit people have been seeing my fucking naked body since I was god damn six and no I don’t blame myself but these comments a man in his 30s to 40s would call me a slut for showing my body to him when I was twelve and that he would only save his for when he’s married and has a loving wife and now that makes me feel bad and just comepletely nasty and can’t even be somewhat i dont know pure or make my husband feel special but like there’s not even anything saving for me anymore maybe I do blame myself when I was twelve it wasn’t even too long ago I was so weird and just comepletey degraded myself to these pedophiles and weirdos just for a little bit of attention or to just feel loved not thinking what would happen to me in the future now I’m suffering because of it just in the back of my mind I’m not deserving of anyone how can someone be a whore at 12 maybe I just got addicted to it when I was younger getting touched by multiple girls and the thing is I don’t think I even hated it i completely knew what they were doing and just didn’t know how to react but I took it as attention and affection or if they loved me then just actually being weird pedophiles sometimes I feel bad for them tho they can be suffering now too because they were around my age now and they probably regret everything now completely I’m just so sad I never got an actual childhood or atleast I just don’t remember anything but the actual horrid parts of it but I was bullied verbally I remember but my friend I knew since we were babies told me that I was actually getting physically hurt and harassed my mother will tell people stories of it too since I overhear but the thing is I was never pulled out of the school and I remember telling her the things they did to me when she would pick me up from school and she would just tell me to ignore it or i dont know I even remember praying to Allah that it would stop maybe my mom wasn’t taking me seriously since I was child and I’m still a child I just don’t even feel like it except the fact I’m just so immature I feel alone all the time I feel like there’s just two people I feel happy with but the thing is I can’t even tell them any of this because it’s so embarrassing and degrading for them to know how pathetic I actually am I’m so mean sometimes always mad actually if I wasn’t me I would actually despise myself I feel like I’m never gonna be able to be truly happy with how my life is my family doesn’t even let me go outside or any place they aren’t around me at all times and they make me dress a certain way I swear they don’t care about my happiness at all or atleast they just think I’m happy with the childhoods they’ve had I don’t know why they would treat me this way or think I’m happy when they have me isolated from the world and they don’t even care when I was raped or being bullied it’s like what’s the point is it because of an image of a perfect daughter or what it can’t even be that when my mom likes to talk shit about me to literally everyone yes my parents have their good moments and I love them but how everything’s sounding and my outlook of them it’s like “am I being abused” or what I don’t even know anymore I’ve had so many relationships and rn I’m just fourteen why has so much happend to me and I’m just fourteen none of its happy all my treasured memories I have aren’t even real it’s all online I’m harassed online daily even tho In person I feel so ugly maybe not my face but I feel like my body is disgusting the body hair the shape the scars they defiled me I’m not worth anything I can’t even take care of myself properly and I don’t even know how to feel about school just feel like I can’t even do any work I am also so self conscious about my body that it feels so uncomfortable and unreal when I’m not wearing something baggy covering my everything I feel so sorry for myself about how I was raised and my actual ass personality I hate bullying people I hate using slurs I was never even like this I liked when I was nicer but again what I found funny back then was me just bullying myself why does my whole existence revolve around technology when my parents had all the freedom they could ever ask for when they were my age and younger why have I had only two relationships that weren’t online why can’t I just live a normal life I’m not even venting to a real person right now I just wish someone could i dont know help me I love my boyfriend Salah with all my heart but I really don’t think we’ll ever meet in person one day or get married again discord relationships stay discord relationships and with how mental I am always getting mad or upset and jealous over every little thing am I even in the position to date I just don’t want anything or anyone taking him away from me ever and everytime he’s gone I feel abandoned when he was gone for over a week I was actually suffering even with or without him with how upset I am all the time I always end up furious or crying about something scared or doubting and over thinking a situation thinking it’s over every weekend I waste it on crying or waiting for him to respond to one of my messages I know I’m a teenager but I don’t think any of my feelings are anything but normal am I gonna stay like this forever I don’t wanna change who I am but who I am is a horrible person I think I am just heavily influenced and just started mimicking everything I see around me and discord being discord caused me to be how I am even in person I’m ass toned down a little bit still I’m ass I feel older than I am but still treated like a child I’ve also founded out people want me less the older I get and the older I get I realize how much creeps were around me when I was younger I wish I was as cute to people back than tho than now
Hi @Sel,
Thanks for expressing your concerns! Not all guys are perverts. However, you will meet a few men that act inappropriate in public with you. You can never get rid of pedophiles. The best thing is to ask an adult or police officer to protect you. You can’t find a police office to help you. If you ever meet a pervert in public, if you are brave enough to do this. You can ask a male that you feel safe and to pretend to be their girlfriend for a few seconds. Also, you can explain the male about the situation with a pedophile near you. The pedophile might not bother you because they are scare of a male being near you. Pedophiles are the worse and you didn’t deserved to be treated that way. I remembered a few old guys cat-calling me at 14 years old and it’s traumatizing for me.
Don’t be so harsh to yourself when it wasn’t your fault. I’m also a female and met a few women that will touch my body inappropriately. You want a hug from me or hold my hand me at least ask me permission. Being bullied is the worse thing for any person to suffer. You deserved to be loved and respected by someone. Did you discuss with a school staff or counselor about the bullying issue?
Your mom should have protect you as a child. Let me know if I’m wrong. Did your mom grew up in an old generation where mental health is stigmatized? That’s probably why she doesn’t care or talk about mental health to you. She thinks mental health makes people weak in which that’s not true. Mental health can impact your life numerous of ways. I hope one day your mother will accept the way you are in the future. Rape and abuse are taboo topics for people to talk in certain countries in the world.
You mentioned about being harassed online from Discord. Social media is wonderful to make and communicate with new people. There are downsides of social media. If it’s making you feel worse, Do you think it’s a good idea to take a break from Discord? Social media is causing you to feel low self-esteem. You aren’t ugly person at all even if I never met you. This is what I believed nobody is ugly but we are all beautiful and unique in our certain way. Society have beauty standards but it can be toxic towards female and male.
I used to be obsess with people dating around my age but not anymore. I got to focus on improving my mental & physical health before dating someone. It’s okay to stay single for awhile. When you are in a relationship, your life is going to collaborate with your boyfriend. Sometimes you will forget who you are as a person. There is nothing wrong with dating person online but you got to be careful who you meet. If the boy doesn’t respond your text message, he might not be serious with you in a relationship. There is no rush to date when you are teenager.
I remembered being a teenager was emotional roller coaster so I can relate to your post. Things will get better as you grow up. You may not seen now as a young teen. Trust me, you will change a lot when your going from teen to adult. You aren’t a horrible person and I love how you admit your flaws. That what makes us human. Some people blame others for their mistakes in which leads to a nasty conflict. I learned this the hard way, you can’t be perfect in front of your family, friends, employees, and etc… Being perfect is impossible for anyone to achieve.
I ask you a few questions. Let’s avoid on things you explained about the influence and copying people. Don’t let people changed you as a person. It’s important for an individual to set boundaries. I used to be a people-pleaser and it made me feel less insecure. I don’t allow people to force me do things I feel uncomfortable. What are traits that you believe makes you special? What are your likes and dislikes for interests? What is the most coolest thing that you have done in your life?
You aren’t alone and you can vent as much that you want to me. I’m always here to support during these rocky challenges in your life.