I know many of you may know my situation. But its getting worse, I feel like im going back to my old ways of frustration . i want to fricken die and or relapse …
Its hard to fully explain everything cause im still NOT OKAY. I kinda dont see point in life rn.
I’m trying so hard to give people chances but i dont know if i can do this anymore. Its caused my mental health to plummet and go from 0-100 with my mental health issues.
To start with this issue , it barely had Any communication at all . it only had minimal communication
then awhile later they came over (couple weeks later) they started picking me apart situation by situation . I got on the phone with my mother and told her what happened and told her ill give this person anther chance . fast forward to several on phone meetings later ( there was 2 on phone meetings).
i know cutting people out of life is going to leave a weird taste in mouth but i just dont know if i can do it anymore with them.
Its gotten to the point now i dont want to trust anyone not even the person i love and trust the most.
Fastforward of me trying to have a conversation with them . I just couldnt i felt so many things , and things from my past all over again . It got to the point of where i almost gotten physical ( its been awhile since i gotten physical (about acouple years)) .
I want to effing die , i feel like i have no life worth living , i just want to be done.
im so dang weak and worth nothing.
to add in to this , my own father put a tracker thingy on my phone to see when im on my phone… and cause of this is why i dont trust my father with stuff. and i feel like im being treated differently.
I’m sorry you’re feeling so bad. You feel like you’re going back to your old ways. That suggests that you’ve made progress, and now are facing a potential setback. It also sounds like you expected more from someone than you received. I saw it written somewhere, “everyone will disappoint you, but choose friends who are still worth having in spite of it.” It’s true. Not only will others fall short of our expectations, but we fall short of our own.
The most significant trust between friends is a commitment to care. For example, “you pissed me off, but I still care for you.” Sometimes friends exceed our expectations. That’s always wonderful.
I try to maintain a state of “pre-forgiveness.” In other words, I know they’ll mess up, but I’ll look past it after I explain to them how I feel. Sometimes it’s okay to pre-forgive someone, and still require them to leave you alone. You have a right to protect yourself. Part of that protection is to keep yourself from harboring ill will toward others. It’s easier to not hate a troublesome person if they are no longer around.
I want you to effing live a fulfilled life. It’s possible. You seem to have lost track of your own strength, but it is most assuredly there.
This 100% … Trust is something I believe in 100%. I expect stuff then at times it comes back and bites me in the ass. I know life isnt going to be cherrios and lollipops .
Life has gotten 100% better after my past has settled down but now its going back to my past…
i have one word. Trauma.
I have tried to explain how i feel but i dont think one specific perso will listen . I have a feeling that the person who has my back is afraid to say what they are afraid to say cause the person isnt going to like the answer.
I wish this “stranger” didnt come into my life as i dont feel like its going to be healthy for me…
i have a feeling its going to get to the point of me telling my mother i dont want to live with my father anymore… i just … i dont know
To add on to this shes still making me see my father … and i dont want to bc of my situation.i dont know what to do at this point as im feeling mixed emotions
Whether others might say or think differently, it clearly sounds that you are in need for a break and for peace right now. I don’t know what happened with that person, but carrying my share of past traumas, I understand how just one individual, whether it’s through their words or their attitude, can bring us into a deep loop of doubts, negative thoughts and fears. I’m sorry you’ve been experiencing such distress lately. You certainly don’t deserve any of it.
Do you manage to find healthy ways to release your emotions lately, @all_around_ashley? There may be things you cannot control in these situations, but I truly hope that you manage to take care of yourself despite it all. What happened doesn’t define you. And your current thoughts don’t define you either. You have so much worth and you are so loved.
Thank you so much , so far they havent gotten rid of them … which i want them too cause im being treated differently then i was before . its getting on my nerves …
I try to the best i can , but family isnt making it any better sometimes . and me too but i dont think that is going to happen anytime soon …
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