From kev1129: my girlfriend and I had a talk today. she basically said she is anxious/worried sbout the future and does not know no if she will have to go her own way. i am 23 she is 20 and still has two years left in college. basically she saying she is scared she might change and communicated to me that it is possible she will have to be independent and go her own way for her happiness. she thinks its unfair to me that she has avoidant attatchment, and thinks I can find someone better than her. yet she says she loves me, does not want to give up and if she does it will really hurt. she says she has never felt a way about someone like this before. now im worried, confused, dont know how to handle this. i want to be with her, but if im being honest i dont want to constantly worry about wether i could be in my final days,weeks and months with her. and i dont think its fair to be in a relationshio with someone who is unsure about what they want or how the future will play out. yet i still love her so much and dont want to break up. though i told her i will always love her no matter what and that i will respect her decisions. what do i do
That was a good idea to discuss about your feeling to your girlfriend. I can understand on how your girlfriend struggle with anxiety & avoid attachment. When I was 20-22 years old, I started to worry that people will be tired being with me as a woman. This is coming from my experience and I witness most of my friend’s relationships. I don’t why my female friends date an older guy but it’s their life. An older man will always want to date a younger instead of an older women. That’s just society for you. Not all men behaved like this but some do.
I recommend to go to a place that you & your girlfriend feel comfortable to talk. This is what you can tell her: Hey, I have been feeling kind of down from our conversation with discussing about the future and your anxiety. You aren’t struggling with anxiety alone because I also have it too. Instead of thinking about the future, Let’s go back on why we love each other in the first place! Age is just a number but it doesn’t define as a person. We should focus living in the present. You can’t predict the future that’s impossible. Even we break up sometime in the future, I hope we can at least enjoy these moments being together. I don’t care if you are getting older because I always love & support you no matter what. You are going to be straight brutal to her: Are you going to allow your anxiety & avoid attachment to ruin our relationship? I don’t what you went through for avoid attachment. I’m not the type of guy to give up on you. It’s amazing that you love to be independent. I will respect your decision. Are you going to regret choosing happiness over me? Just think of your choice carefully! We can fight through this difficult obstacle in our relationship.
At 20 years old, you want to become an independent adult. Being an adult ain’t easy in this world. I hope she know that. Your girlfriend feels she is going to change due to age. It might differ for everyone. I don’t know if your girlfriend is one of those women that are scare to have wrinkles. Wrinkles are totally normal to have when you age. I’m 25 years old and still feel act like I’m 17 years old. As you get older, you will gain some experience. I don’t care anymore about my age, just be yourself.
hey kev, thank you for being here and opening up about your relationship with your girlfriend. with what you’ve shared, it’s clear that she’s been giving thought to her future and the different paths she can take. it’s understandable how you can feel worried, confused, and not really sure on what to do or say next. no matter what she decides, it sounds like you both have a great bond and will continue to communicate with one another on how you’re feeling! communication is key, especially in these moments. you’ve done amazing by telling her you’ll love and respect her through any decision. by giving someone the space and respect to evaluate uncertainties they’re facing, you’re doing the best service to them as a partner. it’s scary to not be 100% certain on what the future may hold so please take care of your mind and heart throughout. your heartsupport community here will continue to lift you up. hope to hear how you’re doing soon!
love,
twix
Hi there Kev,
Thank you for coming to us here at HS, we’re happy to have you. I want to start off by saying I think you have a great mindset about this. You’re being very supportive and caring for your girlfriend throughout this time of uncertainty, and that shows your true colors and character. I have nothing but respect for that. I can tell that you are a great communicator, I encourage you to keep communicating and being open with her. Relationships can be very tricky and confusing at times. They might be scary too. But great communication will allow you both to come to moments of clarity and hopefully realize what is best for you both in the long run. Regardless of what happens, I hope that you make the decisions that make you happy. As much as you love and look out for your partner, you should do the same for yourself. We are here for you, and you are loved 