Thank you for reaching out to me. In less than a year I experienced every type of loss a person could experience. It started with my father dying. Then my job was ending. Then my oldest brother died. A few weeks after that, I was served divorce papers and was living in my car. I can’t handle the pain and failure I am any more. I have no more desire to go on.
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Hi @Fade2black,
Welcome to HeartSupport!!!
I just want to give you a virtual hug for going through something difficult. I’m sorry that your father & oldest brother passed away. That must have been hard for you the last few weeks. Take your time to grieve. It takes many months or years to heal. I totally relate to your post. I remembered when I lost my grandfather and then my job last year. I almost wanted to give up my life because of that. However, I listened some song that helped me get my life back together. I was too hard on myself and remind myself that my grandfather will be sad if he saw my mental state was declining.
Life is always strange because you never know when something comes at you. It could be something good or bad. Just remember that not let negative event stops you being happy. It’s okay to be sad but not too long until you can’t function anymore.
-Job ending: It sucks to lose a job due to several reasons. People have reasons they got fired or quit their job. There are several jobs out there that love to work with you.You just never know if you try to apply. I applied like 30-70 jobs last year. It took me 2-3 months to find a job that accepted me. Your father & oldest brother just passed away a few weeks, I recommend to take your time to grief until you feel mentally & physically strong to go back to work. There is no rush to find a job but depending on the situation.
-Divorce: I knew my family & friends that went through divorce. It was rough for them. I have no idea why you got divorce but you don’t have to explain me at all. It’s your life and I respect your privacy. I always told them this : “You tried your best to keep the relationship together. There is always some type of conflict. If you feel unhappy with your partner, there is no reason to be married for that long. Overall, you may feel bitter with your divorce but there are some precious memories that you want to remember.” Divorce isn’t the end for you to be alone. A few of my family & friends needed to take a break from dating for a few years to evaluate their personality & values. There is no rush to get married after you got divorced. Just take your time to heal how long it takes for you.
-Living in the car: I have a few questions for you. Do you have any closed relatives or friends that you can live with them? I’m not sure where you lived at. You can contact the homeless shelters near to live there too. Here is a website that I recommend to look at: https://nche.ed.gov/shelter/. It sends a list of organizations that you can find a place to live at.
-You are not a failure at all. I think you are strong and brave person through this difficult part of your life. I almost decided to end my life but then I reflect to myself. Why should I live for? I told myself I wanted to live due to my family & friend. Also, I thought my family & friends will be sad if I suicide myself. What are my goals do I want to accomplish in my life? I told myself that I love to travel & meet new around the world. What is something that makes me happy in life ? It could be eating ice cream or sing karaoke songs. What is my main purpose for me to live? I wanted to helped others. That’s why I’m here volunteering at HeartSupport 
What will I miss if I suicide myself? I missed seeing brand new movies, songs, and books.
I’m super concern for you as a friend because you have to not desire to live. Here is helpful resource: Crisis Resources | HeartSupport & https://www.betterhelp.com/get-started/?go=true&transaction_id=102ae37215e77b03991e35dad57b37&utm_source=affiliate&utm_campaign=1015&utm_medium=Desktop&utm_content=&utm_term=heartsupportredirect¬_found=1&gor=start
Let me know what HeartSupport and I can do to support you!
I’m so sorry that you’re having such a hard time. If one of those things happen to most people, they’d not be able to handle it. And you’ve had 5 times that. I think that you are a strong person.Maybe one day you will use what you learn during this terrible season of your life to help other people.
I don’t know how helpful this is: But I’ve been watching a lot of YT videos about people who live in their cars. There are some good ideas about living frugally, tips on “car camping” legally, etc. Maybe those might help you get thru some of this. If anything, maybe they’ll help you get your mind off of things.
I dont know how helpful any of this is. But I want you to know that You Matter, and I’m glad you’re still here. And I’m sending you love.