New guitar hobby has bothered girlfriend

From kev1129: I recently just started dating a girl for 2 months now. Before I started dating her I had no intention of playing guitar. Then when she showed me that she had a electric guitar and started playing it i was intrigued. Of course I asked her to play me some songs, some which she hated but still played for me. Then i decided to try it out even tho I have little to no experience. Basically long story short ever since then, everytime I was over at her house I would play it, admittingly too much. Not to the point where i would just play it and then leave, but to the point where it was excessive. She had let me know that, And I heard her out, so I told myself to not play it anymore, I still did here and there but only when she was busy in the shower, on the phone with her parents, talking to her friends etc. Ever since then I have been playing the guitar I have at my house (an old one) almost everyday, and it makes me really happy. I am
so glad I have a hobby of such kind. Yet it is clear that my love for the guitar bothers her, today we just had a convo over facetime. and lately i have been talking about the guitar, (alot but not only about guitar). and she expressed thay it is excessive and bothers her. She basically said she does not want me to talk about it, not to send her voice memos of me playing, and what songs I am learning. Now let me be clear as much as i love the guitar i am still a lovong boyfriend. I give her plenty of attention, i compliment her, TRY to take her out on dates ( i emphasized try because most of the time i try and set something up
it always is flaked because its too expensive or she just doesnt want to, then we end up just spending the afternoon in her room and then i get that feeling to play the guitar again. I even wrote her a letter saying how much I love her and how much she means to me, she has done the same. I am just confused on how to handle this because im upset that I bothered her and now i think i have been a bad boyfriend to her.


Hello kev1129

I think it’s great that you found a hobby that you enjoy and that makes you happy. That is a good and positive thing to have in your life, are healthy hobbies. I’m not sure why your g/f would be reacting in the way she is if you are not being excessive in your sharing/talking about it. If she also likes the guitar, I would think she would be happy if it interests you also. Perhaps you just need to focus on other things when talking to her and spending time with her, and focus on the guitar in your own personal time. Sharing a little less about your journey with it, and just focusing on your own growth with it personally. There was no guitar talk when she met you, because it was not your hobby. So maybe going back to the things you used to talk about/used to do would help ease the excessive guitar use/talk/sharing. I do think that you should be allowed to have this hobby if you love it, and should continue to use the guitar and get better at it. Just maybe not be so excessive in sharing about it? <3

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Hello kev1129,

It is amazing that you have found a new hobby that you love and enjoy. I’m happy to hear that you found an activity that brings you joy. On the other hand, I am sorry to hear about the tension it is causing in your relationship. I understand the excitement behind learning a new instrument and taking on a new hobby, however the excessive sharing about it could become overwhelming. If it is taking up majority of your attention, interest, time, conversation when with or speaking to your girlfriend then I can see how over time that could become a tad bothersome, especially since the relationship is so new. Looking back, what things did you all discuss before you discovered the guitar and how often do you have conversations like those now that you do play the guitar? Maybe some balance could help re-establish the status quo.

There is nothing wrong in wanting to share hobbies and activities with a partner, especially when they are so new and exciting. However, there still needs to be a balance between how much you engage in other things with your partner that have absolutely nothing to do with this new hobby (the guitar) as well.

I hope you both are able to communicate and come to an understanding together and a compromise. Wishing you the best! :white_heart:

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Hi kev1129,

I am very happy to hear that you’ve found something that brings you so much joy! Having something to fill up our spare time can make a huge difference. Considering the conversation you’ve had with your girlfriend, however, I think the biggest thing here is to try and find some balance. You mentioned that you’ve already been sticking to the guitar at home for the most part, and I think maintaining that routine is a good way to respect your girlfriend’s boundaries in terms of how much she wants to be around it. It may be disappointing to not be able to share your hobbies with a partner, but it is important to respect how she feels. It sounds to me that she simply needs a break from the guitar and that at some point she may come back around, and if that happens, it should be on her terms. Let her be the one to ask questions and to ask for you to play. In the meantime, try and focus on finding that balance, playing the guitar at home, and nurturing the relationship you have with your girlfriend without the instrument being the focal point. I wish you the best, and if ever you do want to share about the guitar or anything else, we will be here to listen!

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Hi there,

It is amazing that you have found this hobby!! For a long time now, I have been wanting to teach myself to play the guitar, and you just inspired me. Having this new hobby must be so exciting, and it is so important to feel like you can share it with your girlfriend. I am not sure why she is feeling overwhelmed by you guys talking about a shared interest, but if she is feeling upset, it is good that you are validating her feelings. Maybe because this is still a fresh and new relationship, it is important to take time to get to know each other and explore all aspects of each other’s personalities, interests, and goals. Playing guitar together will bond you guys so much but make sure to pay attention to other aspects of each other so guitar isn’t the only focus. I think it is amazing that you are making a lot of effort show her how much she means to you. Maybe having a conversation about the tension could resolve it easily. Asking her to share how she is feeling will show her how considerate and attentive you are. She will appreciate this. Talk to her, hear her out, and share your feelings with her. Tell her you have a growing passion for guitar thanks to her and you just want to share that love. I am sure you guys will be able to sort this out, but please come back to this thread if you need anything else or want to talk about this in more detail. We are always here to support you. Sending hugs <3

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