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New here - and devastated by grief

Hi. I’m so tired of dealing the the grief and sadness and huge loss in my life. It is mid-December. I lost my best friend and dog son Nov 12th - he was 14. I’m 55 and have had 35 animals but he was the most special. Like a son. Last December - it will be one year from this coming Friday - my dad had a knee replacement and was in the hospital, sat down in a chair and died of a heart attack. This was 12/20/2018. Eleven months before that, my brother I was close to passed away from throat cancer at 59. He was diagnosed 1.5 years earlier. 45 days before that, my mom didn’t wake up one day out of the blue and we had to take her off the machines that night - she died 11/30/17. In 13 months I lost my dad, mom and brother. And then my dog. I have a wife and step daughter. I am really struggling to go to work - I’m an executive. I feel like I’m losing my mind. The world looks so different. I’m just so sad and lost. I don’t have joy or passion anymore. And my sweet wife has lost her husband most of the time. And I’m often very difficult and demanding - because I don’t know what to do. I take medicine and see a therapist. But this pain waxes and wanes and isn’t getting better. Please say something that will help - and no platitudes please.

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@DukeLuper

This must have been truly difficult for you to write, and I commend you for opening up to us here. There are no words that make grief easier to handle. My heart truly goes out to you and the ones you’ve lost. Be patient with yourself…grief is a difficult road. Just know we are all here to listen… you are heard.
Sending well wishes your way. You’re stronger than you think
<3
Eyeless

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Hi, Duke.

You have gone through a lot of loss these last few years, so it is certainly understandable to be struggling and feel so lost.
I know nothing that I can say can really resolve how you are feeling and take away that grief. So I am not going to try to look for a silver lining.
I know when I lost the one family member that I was close to, I too felt lost. It wasn’t something that was quickly grieved. It took me several years. I had moments of becoming angry and bitter. I had moments of feeling distant, numb and indifferent. I had days where my brain didn’t even want to believe that it was true. The loss of that person had a major impact on my life in a lot of different ways, so it was something that took time. Wasn’t really anything anyone could say to fix or make it better, it was just a process that I had to work through.

I encourage you to take the time you need to grieve but also to be open to your wife about what you are feeling and going through. You mentioned that your wife has lost you a lot of the time and that you can be difficult and demanding. I imagine it’s very hard. I know I wasn’t always at my best when I was grieving, but it’s important to let those who love us and closest to us be a support for us. Help her know how to best help you and be there for you as you get through this. Even if it’s just allowing you some time and space when you need it.

I’m really sorry for all of those that you have lost. Even our fur babies are a hard loss. Ive lost a few in my life. I carry that hurt with me always. There is a companionship there that isn’t really replaceable. It’s not the same even if we get new pet friends. My last fur friend I lost was more hard than the rest. I guess maybe because she belonged to both my partner and I. We had our own little family. So losing her was really tough. It made me not want to have another pet. My heart still feels very fragile.

Anyway. I know I am quite a bit younger than you. (34) and I am autistic. But my DM are always open to you. On here or on our discord. Which can be found here: https://discord.gg/7VrTeCu

Sometimes it’s nice just to have a friend to talk to that won’t judge you or hold how you are feeling against you. To just have someone who can remind you that your feelings are valid. Like I said, I know I cant fix things, but I can be a friend and a listening ear if you just need someone to talk at.

Much love to you, Duke.

  • Kitty
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Thank you for your kind words.