So, I will start with the fact that I am on a skiing trip with my parents and brother this week, which sucks. I don’t like the new year and everything. Why? Well, everyone is happy and partying and I am stuck with my family and I don’t like spending time with them. We fight all the time, especially me and my mom.
Everyone is recapping their year on social media… what was my year? I lost someone who was like my brother, a friend who believed the rumors instead of me, my crush rejected me, one of my really good friends almost raped me, my guy bestfriend knows all of this is happening and he said that he tried to help me he will not force me anymore, I started cutting again, watched 2 seasons of Riverdale in one day, my mother called me a prostitute and almost kicked me out of the house.
I just wish that Honza (my bff) would care, talk to me more, like the old times. I thought that 2018 would be different but it was worse. I am afraid that 2019 will be the same, so that’s why I want to end it.
My favorite band, Asking Alexandria, launched the “text us” thing and I was happy at first, but it is not for Europe. I hate living in Czech republic sometimes. Czech people are so judgemental.
(Almost every sentence is starting with I which is making me feel selfish)
But I am ‘just a moody teenager’ , ‘attention seeking 14year old’ , 'selfish, ugly cunt.
Thank you for reading this, I am considering ending it tonight. “New year, dead me”… yeah… I still have 3 hours and 48 minutes to think about it.
You’re not a whore or whatever people are saying about you. I’ve no hint of czech culture. I’ve no idea what they’re philosophy, ethics or morale is.
Give it a day or two at least before offing yourself. There are plenty of times I felt like offing myself or someone else. I give it 2 or 3 hours then 2 or 3 days. If I feel it isn’t the priority issue than I usually don’t do it. Maybe you should try this. (Believe me there are plenty of times I wanted to hurt myself or someone else.)
Usually at least in the US things get better for kids once they grow up and become adults. They get a bit of freedom and sometimes they find a reason (usually another person) to suffer to live longer. (TBH it hasn’t happen to me, but I look at my suicide differently than the usual suicidal person.)
People hurt you. You feel misery. I know you want the pain to go away. People to stop hurting you. It can and there are so many different ways than offing yourself to try first.
Be strong. (Tell your family & the other people to fuck off (even if it means you end up homeless). Sometimes being a rebel is the only way to make sure you keep on breathing.
I do hope good things happen for you.
Maybe Czech people are judgemental, because your post was full of judgements, about your famiily, but mostly about yourself. I know Czech people can be hotheads and at tge same time find it difficukt to talk about their emotions, preferring to overshout someone else than to listen. It seems to me you see yourself as a victim of circumstance, but nobody is innocent and completely blameless. Take responsibility for your actions, keep your cool and not fly off the handle in anger, ask for people’s opinions and reasons instead of making assumptions, and you’ll find life will improve.
Where someone screams that person cannot listen, so when you find your emotions taking over, apologise for just that and walk away, and most of all walk away when someone screams at you, because they won’tbe able to hear your side of things. Always remember that nobody owes you anything. You are not a princess, and even princesses have obligations. This way everything you get is a gift you’ll truly appriciate, even if it’s just for the gesture.
You’re in a difficult situation of hightened emotions right now, a place nobody wants to be, not you, nor your parents, but trust me, life will get better if you keep to my advice.
kind regards and best wishes,
Martin / ThatOldDutchGuy