I feel useless and hopeless. Dropped out of college in my early 20’s. Now in my late 40’s watching life whizzing past me. On pain medications and anti depressant medications. Single, never married. Inherited a rather large home from my father and I have 2 cats. Keeping the whole house clean is impossible. I’ve got a track to the kitchen and bathroom and that’s about it. When I try reading my eyes jump all over the page, unable to learn. I see everyone, or feel everyone else is so much smarter and ‘quicker’ than I. Feels like I’ve spent the last several years simply trying to escape from reality. I only really enjoy life when I’m taking medication in preparation for bed. Now recently been having nightmares. So now even sleep is unwelcome. I wish I had stayed in school and learned when I was young. When I had the ability to comprehend and learn.
I’d like to just start off by saying that I appreciate that you were able to open up here.
I’m an older teenager, so If you choose to not listen to me, that is all good, but I hope that I can still help you in the slightest way.
First of all, I’d just like the say that I think it might be a good idea to just take a day from work or maybe on your spare day to get that house back to the way it use to be. Put on a show, or maybe even music in the background and spend a day cleaning! Cleaning is known to be very therapeutic if you have the mindset that it will make you feel better in the end. Just by going from room to room in your house, spending hours in each one and taking breaks to eat or to just take a break, you’ll be able to have a clean house by the end of the day. If this is unrealistic, spend a week or two cleaning a few rooms after work, or maybe even just one. Go at your speed, but remember that this is good for you to do! And once this process is done, cleaning is alot easier. I know for me that I feel alot better about myself once the places around me are clean.
I think that it might be a good idea to get a tutor. If you have a tutor once a week for an hour, your skills will instantly get better. You are never too old to learn things, and there is no point in life dwelling about what could have been.
I don’t know if this has helped or not, but if it has, I hope you have a better mindset in life and accomplish the things many people believe you can do!
Thank you so much for the reply and suggestions! If I may expand how i feel a separation from my peers… When I was in my mid-teen years I was in a vehicle accident. Was in a coma for 10 days. When I awoke I had to re learn how to walk and talk. Went to a NHIF (national head injury foundation) for more recovery and to get back the first half of junior year in high school. I fully regained the ability to walk and talk. Not bad since the Neurologist told my parents “he probably isn’t going to make it”. Came back and my peers were drinking recreational drugs. Some of which I partook of. Not the greatest idea for a person who has had a head injury. I do see a therapist a couple times a month (on the days which I do not cancel). My peers have gone from recreational drug use to a pretty “normal” life. Well, some have died from continued use. But others gone on to have multiple masters degrees and multiple children (not multiple wives though). Having has a right frontal lobe brain injury makes me rather impulsive. Definitely have impulse control issues. My peers have to be more thoughtful of their actions because they have children and are dealing with life. I sometimes feel I\ve tied up my entire life to escaping reality. So how are things for you there on the other end of the spectrum into your late teens? Just to be clear, are you adult late teen or non-adult. Saying “late” teens is funny.
Thank you for sharing this with us. It’s great to know that you’re seeing a therapist. Hope that helps, even if it’s just a bit. Maybe it would be interesting to talk about these nightmares with them in a near future (?).
First of all, I wanted to say that having your own learning pace doesn’t mean that people are “smarter” than you. Intelligence is often measured by the amount of knowledge that has been learned, but it goes so far beyond that. And when I read what you’ve shared about your personal story, I can’t help but thinking that you’ve learned things from life that other people may never be aware of.
When it comes to cleaning and reading, I can only echo what @lifesuckssometimes said. However, I would like to add some more ideas.
1/ Do you think you may have too much stuff in your house or not? We often tend to accumulate things without noticing it. Maybe it would be interesting for you to take some time to think about it. Like identifying things you really use, things you’re emotionally attached to and… things you almost forgot about because you never use them. It can be helpful to declutter a bit sometimes and get some storage space back. Over time, it can help for cleaning too.
2/ I found that setting a timer can be helpful sometimes. Don’t know if it’s the case for you, but for me starting something is the most difficult part for almost…everything. And by having a timer, for example for 15 minutes, I get easier on track. I try to do as much as possible during this moment and then I just stop. Helps me when I’ve absolutely no motivation at all.
3/ If you’ve got the habit to use something without putting it back where it belongs… Random tip: when you’ve got stuff in a room that belongs to another one, try to bring them together depending on the room. So, when you walk in front of it while going to the concerned room, you can take it with you and take a few minutes to store it. (I’m struggling with explaining that in English so I hope it’s understandable ).
1/ I don’t know what you’re readind and, as a book lover, I can understand the importance and value we can put in these objects. But if you’ve got difficulties to read or staying focus, maybe it would be interesting to try audiobooks and/or listening would be a better way for you to approach that. Reading is a bit passive and we can easily get bored or distracted. But when you listen to something, you can try to take some notes at the same time so it helps to stay tuned, physically “active” and assimilate what’s being said. You can also make it more interesting by highlighting particular subjects you may be interested in and do your personal researches about it.
2/ Audiovisual in general can be a great resource too. You can learn a bunch of things with documentaries, podcasts, online conferences and videos. There are interesting channels on Youtube to learn about… well, many different disciplines. Could be interesting as a complement to readings depending on your present needs.
In any case, do things at your own pace. There’s no rush in learning something and it has to remain your own pleasure. Set small objectives for everything you mentioned. Because when we see challenges as a giant mountain, we can easily get discouraged and end in doing nothing at all.
Hold fast, friend.
Thank you. You are spot on with the wonderful advice you provided. I had to go yesterday for a ex-ray of my knee. Difficult to walk now. I do try to see life as a continuum. Where I’m at there are a lot of people that have it more difficult, and a lot of people that have it better off. No matter where I’m at - there I am. So much of life is about developing habits. Not necessarily good or bad habits, but more so healthy or unhealthy habits. I say and recognize that but continue to talk bad to myself about myself.
Sometimes I feel that my life being saved after that accident was a mistake. Like my story should have ended right there.
My life is like a 4 oz. glass of water. Takes very little disturbance to make it upset and start sloshing around all over the place. Whereas I view others as having a huge container of calm water that takes much force to unsettle. Once that force is exerted on my little glass of water the inertia remains keeping the water disturbed. Where as with my peers I feel their body of water absorbs the shock and goes back to steady, calmed.
Maybe I way overthink things. Yes for sure I do. I can’t stop thinking and just do.
Thanks again for the great advice.