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Belongs to: Therapist reacts to How Could You Leave Us by NF
Not enough therapy in the world lol.
Shes 60 now. Lymphoma. Ive tried. Blunt conversations at times. Still picks the pills. Between them and the chemo im probably going to watch her waste way over the next few months.
Hard realization with the cancer diagnosis; that ive never got to be someones first choice, not even my mothers.
No one wants to see the underlying problem or gets mad when i try to make them see. First things first attitude. Another locked room in that mansion lol.
I’m so sorry to hear about your mother’s illness and the pain you’re going through. Watching a loved one face lymphoma, especially while dealing with other struggles like addiction, is heartbreaking. It must be incredibly tough to see her rely on pills even now, knowing that chemotherapy is already taking its toll. It’s completely understandable to feel helpless and worn out in this situation, especially when you’ve tried to have blunt conversations and be supportive.
It’s also painful to realize, amidst this battle, that you’ve never felt like anyone’s first choice, not even your mother’s. That realization can be deeply isolating and makes it hard to find solace when you’re already navigating complex emotions. When people don’t acknowledge the underlying problems or become defensive when you try to make them see, it can feel like you’re speaking to closed doors, locked away in those metaphorical rooms of that mansion.
Your emotions are valid, and your frustration is natural. When the “first things first” mindset means prioritizing things that feel like band-aid fixes or just avoiding the bigger issues, it’s understandable to feel left behind and unrecognized. It can be a lonely place to be, especially when you’re still trying to support your mother while dealing with your own pain.
Amid this, please remember that you’re worthy of being someone’s priority, even if your mother’s choices make it seem otherwise. There isn’t a magic solution or therapy that will fix everything at once, but sharing your thoughts and emotions with people who understand can be a start. You’re not alone, even though it may feel that way right now. I hope you know that your care and concern matter deeply, and you deserve a space where you feel seen and supported.
My heart goes out to you. It’s hard to see someone close to you burning bridges and persisting into pathways that push you further away from them. You’re forced to be in a position of witnessing pain and self-destruction without having a real say on things. It is the kind of position that can make you feel so helpless and conflicted at the same time - where there is love, but there turns out to also be anger, regrets, if not resentment. So hard to feel like you know what is right and tried to communicate it over and over, but that your efforts and vulnerability were only met with dismissal and denial. It’s such a brutal experience. I’m sorry friend that this has been yours. It leaves a special type of wound but to feel slowly abandoned by your own mother when there seems to have been actual chances to try to do things differently, to try to reunite around genuine love and care for one another. You look back and wish things could have been different, while dreading the way things are going to be moving forward with chemo on top of it all. It’s like chances for genuine connection and feeling like being wanted by your own mother have been taken away from you over and over. Sending plenty of virtual hugs your way today.