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Not my words, but heard that anxiety is a conspiracy theory about ourselves. And realized I’m my biggest denier.
Like a conspiracy, it’s contagious, something akin to an emotional pathogen. When conspiracies overlap, they become more virulent.
However, not all anxiety is based on a self-perpetuating conspiracy. Often it’s due to either witnessing or being affected by very real events. The challenge is to cultivate discernment based on what is self-induced and what is reality-based. Total absence of anxiety is hazardous to one’s safety. I think managing it-keeping it at a level that promotes safety without having negative health effects is the trick.
Gosh, what a good description of anxiety. It is true that it is this constant dialogue inside that seems to be sabotaging you all the time, by developing so many theories and putting up so many fake scenarios. It is this constant conversation that seems to take place in a different reality – except that the more you hear it, the more intense it is, and the more it becomes your reality. When we think of it, it is truly frightening to see how much our perception is shaped by our experience of anxiety. Personally, I sometimes get so far into these thoughts and what if scenarios, in the assumption of what others may feel/think, that I am shocked when I manage to come back and anchor myself in what is true instead. The difference is huge - a real abyss.
Something wonderful in your post is that despite the difficult reality that living with anxiety provides, you are aware of this process being at play, and how it affects you internally. One of the biggest strength of anxiety is to be so convincing and overwhelming that we get lost in its own dialogue. But with practice, it becomes possible to gain some perspective, to see things from the outside – to realize that there are different voices at play, and that yours may be overshadowed by fears. Under this giant pile of knots that anxiety creates, there is your heart, your soul, this huge spark of life within you that is so bright. Even if you are your biggest denier now, just this realization highlights the potential to change the narrative, and reclaim some power over your own anxiety. It may have been holding the cards for quite some time in your life, but you have the awareness to create the change that is necessary, little by little. Somehow, your anxiety is a way for your mind to tell you something - about your vulnerability, about your needs, about your hopes and fears. It’s okay to acknowledge its presence, as well as reclaiming your right to make your decisions - not out of fear, but out of what you truly desire. I believe in you and in your ability to become your biggest supporter over time. <3