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Numb longing for a high


#1

I felt numb all day, and I know I haven’t tried to do anything to make sure I’m okay.
I’m laying in my bed, Years running down my face, wanting to get high.
I know I’ve got no reason to feel this way and I’ve got no real reason to be triggered, but it feels so real.

I’m exhausted, but don’t want to sleep, I feel numb and left behind, but at the same time I feel in love.

I feel guilty just for wanting to give in.
I feel defeated, and I don’t want to feel this weak, because when I feel weak, i make stupid mistakes…


#2

Hey Fiji.

I understand what you’re going through right now, it’s completely understandable that you want to get high if you’re feeling like this.
I’m an addict myself, and, the last few nights, I have been curled up in the corner of my room crying my eyes out wanting nothing other than the feeling of being high, not caring about a single thing. It’s painful, and those feelings can make us feel weak.

I’m learning to reach out, the way you did here when I’m in those moments… It’s not easy, but, I have to think about how much I’m going to be hurting the people who have supported me if I resort back to using to mask my feelings… We have to face our feelings eventually - otherwise, how will we ever get past this point of wanting to give in?

A few things I can suggest are;

  • Listening to music that makes you feel good… It doesn’t have to be upbeat happy music, it can be anything that makes you focus on the lyrics

  • Listen to or read something that makes you feel safe… Personally for me, sometimes, the podcast from the HeartSupport streams can be that safe thing for me.

  • Just, cry… Tell yourself that, if this feeling doesn’t pass in 5 minutes, you will use then… When that 5 minutes is up, tell yourself that you’ll give it another 5 minutes… Keep doing that until you feel relief…

You might not feel a relief, you might end up feeling a bit numb again, but, that’s ok… We know that we can work with that… We can do something we enjoy, or we can sleep…

You’re not stupid for feeling this way. You’re just having a bad day. I understand - you’re not alone.

Hold Fast
Kayla


#3

Thank you @Kayla.
I really appreciate your answer.
I wish I had words to say here, but it’s all just happening right now. I didn’t get high, I went to sleep, but when I woke up, I felt nothing again. I hope o can do something today that makes it a bit better…
thank you!