I never get personal with my posts, but I think this needs to be said. To help people realize anxiety is a real thing. Though it is in our heads, it’s still not easy to deal with. My story alone will show the effect your mind can have when you’ve been burnt out. A job, is never more important than your health. I wish I could go back and not take this job I had. This is something I’ve been dealing with for 2.5 years. When I had this one job delivering heavy duty equipment(I wasn’t driving anything big, just a Silverado 2500 and an 18ft trailer). I was hired to route the north jersey region, anywhere from south Brunswick up to Hackensack. I would wake up at 4:30am leave my house by 5:30 so I can reach my region in time for deliveries. Sometimes I could get home later in the morning depending on how many deliveries I had. Other times I’d get home in the afternoon, one time getting home at 9pm. After the day is done I would have to plan my next days route. Sometimes taking until 10pm. Repeat back to waking up at 4:30am. The month of June was a busy month, and me being the only one for my region I worked 30 days straight. Lacking a lot of sleep that month. July came and everything slowed down, and everything caught up to me mentally. I started thinking I was going to hit a pedestrian with my trailer. I know I never did, I thought all of this would eventually just go away. Constantly checking behind me, looking in my mirrors. Countless miles of turning around retracing my way just to make sure I did not hit anyone. It also moved to driving my personal vehicle which was a ram 2500, even without a trailer I would find myself turning around. August came and I had a break down. I could not take the stress on my mind anymore. I ended up on medical leave. I didn’t drive for a month. I started seeing professional help. When I did start driving again I would constantly turn around, check my mirrors. I owned a boat at the time I only used 4 times before getting this job. All this free time I had I couldn’t even use it. I eventually came to the point I had to sell my boat , and my truck and start driving a car. It helped a little but even in my GTI I still can’t drive without anxiety. Starting in January of 2019 I didn’t drive for 2 months. Since driving again I have not turned around once, even though somedays the urges to complete a compulsion is strong.
I’m sorry you gone through those moments. It’s good that you seek help. Keep it up. There are people in this world who will help you. I encourage you to ask. You are not alone. This community is here with you and for you.
Thank you for sharing. The best thing to do is seek professional help so that’s amazing that you sought professional help and are working on your anxiety and mental health battles. You’re very strong for working on this and I know that you can keep improving and finding freedoms.
Exactly, knowing is half the battle. You’re doing great!