They say, “all you have to do is wake up and not do drugs, and the next day, you wake up again and don’t do drugs”.
But what if it’s just not that easy at times?
What if I wish I could just wake up and not think about it?
What if sometimes I really want to give in?
What if I really try not to mess up again, but it’s just not that easy?
What if? What if?
I’ve been sober & clean for a bit now, and I still struggle at times like on the first day.
Most days I’m fine, and often I don’t even think about it, but the days I struggle, I just want to come across some understanding.
I’m so sick of people telling me “you just have to _____” or, “just choose not to do it” or other stuff like that. It makes me feel less of a human, and even less of a sort of functioning young adult.
Yes, I might need a babysitter sometimes, but is it too much to ask for some empathy when I don’t know what to do because it’s too much? Is too much to ask for some love when everything looks so dark?
What i wish I could let everyone on this earth know: It doesn’t have to be real for you I’m order to be real for me; but what I’m asking for is that you would try to see my pain and struggling.
@fiji I’m here for you I’ve spent years battling addiction depression amongst other matters that are deeply painful to say the least.
You Are Not Alone you are important and you are a deserving human being
I hear you my friend. The road to recovery is never an easy one. You are human and will have days where you do really well and days where you struggle. That is only normal and to be expected.
It is true that you have a choice. However that doesn’t mean you have to be perfect all of the time. Its important that you are actively trying to get better. Some days doing our best is just getting ourselves out of bed that day. Even if we are feeling down and crappy. Sometimes trying our best is showering and getting dressed even if that’s it and nothing else. And sometimes trying our best is allowing ourselves to cry all day instead of turning to self destructive habits. It doesn’t make you weak. Sometimes doing our best doesn’t look like it does for everyone else and that is okay.
Yes, it’s up to you to choose not to do drink, do drugs or self harm. But it’s okay to have days where you feel lost and aren’t sure how to get through it. It’s okay to have days where you just don’t know what to do.
It’s just important that you keep fighting. There are 12 step programs, bible studies, church groups if you’re religious, sponsors and all kinds of resources that can be turned to for guidance. Recovery isn’t a road of perfection and you aren’t expected to be.
I see your pain. I see that you are struggling. And we are here to let you know that you are loved and valued no matter what. That you are not alone. We are here to support and encourage you. Because you are valued and it’s okay to be human.
Most times I just feel so alone in it all because I don’t really have anyone around who understands or has been through similar stuff. I just wish I had someone in my area who can just be with me when I need help…