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Belongs to: Therapist reacts to BLACK by PearlJam
One of their songs that I cannot listen to, no matter how hard I try is Just Breathe. It came out right before my wife killed herself and I played it at her funeral. It’s been fourteen years and I still feel lost. I still cannot go to her gravesite. I still don’t know how to live without her, so i just wake up every morning and just live.
“Grandad, what can you do when there is nothing you can do?” Grandad: “You do what you can” I wish there was a way to voice what you can say to your loved ones before they go away again. Talking out your loss will hopefully help you heal. Because I know the pain, I felt the pain and the pain doesn’t go away. But you can get distracted by it.
Hello and thanks for your post! I went and read the lyrics of “Just Breathe” because it had been a long time since I heard it! I can certainly see why you chose to play it at the funeral!
With that said, mental health is such a confusing world…especially for those who have never really struggled with depression, anxiety, etc. I would say that I was never a “mental health denier” before my son was born 6 yrs ago, but somehow my mental health world was turned upside down the moment he was born. It was crazy! So, I’ll say that I have an entirely new perspective into it now. I sought help from a therapist, and still see her a few times per year. It has been so profoundly helpful to me!
I think there are so many people who don’t or can’t reach out for help, for whatever reason. I’ve also heard and read about how many times the people in their lives often are unaware of just how impactful the depression or other mental health issue was to that person. Any time that’s the case, it has to make “accepting and moving on” that much more difficult!
I know it’s been 14 years, and that’s a long time! I hope you can find some small blocks to build upon so you can start to thrive again, instead of feeling like you’re just existing. That’s such a hard place to be, and I wish you the best in finding ways to cope! We are here in the HeartSupport community! If you need more help than that, please know that every mental health professional I’ve worked with have all been literally AMAZING! If you need to reach out, I hope you find the same!
Welcome to HeartSupport - I am so glad you found us and reached out for support. I am so, so sorry to hear of your wife and how she left you too soon 14 years ago. I can understand how you can’t bring yourself to go to the gravesite - I don’t know if I would be able to do that either if I was in your shoes. I certainly can’t say I can relate to the exact situation you are in currently - so I don’t want to come across that I know everything you are going through - I certainly don’t. I can only say that my heart goes out to you, and I cannot imagine the pain and loss and grief you have experienced the past 14 years. I am going of offer a simple suggestion and you can take it or leave it - but what if you listened to Just Breathe. Maybe, just maybe this is the next step from existing the way you have been for 14 years to living your fullest life. Of course, this is a huge step, and maybe you’d want to do it with a support system in place. I would be very curious to hear back from you and how you are doing a few weeks down the road. I hope some of the HeartSupport replies have given you some sort of hope, connection, and sense of belonging in this world. We are here for you anytime.