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One Thing Good = Two Things Bad

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#1

ok, so idk what my deal is. every-time i find my self in a place of doing good, of feeling valued, a place of succeeding, i go and ruin it somewhere else.

i will, Lord willing, go celebrate 2 years porn free in july, i have gotten to share my story of sobriety, and have a lovely partner. and yet, it seems like im trying to ruin it. i feel as if i am moving my girl and i too fast, and i do not blame her at all, i know that i need to play my part and let he do her’s however, i dont think ma being responsible with my part in our relationship. i keep finding us in situations where we may end up being too physical, and we have gotten over lines we would have liked to save till marriage. we both work in our church and as well, are not in a place to risk a pregnancy.

i think i feel as if i let her down. and myself. rn i feel hypocritical. in my faith, as i wished to keep sex for marriage (we havent gotten to that however again, its getting close.) i mentor younger kids and i feel like a failure. i want to do this right. i want the relationship to last and be my last (i hate dating) and i dont want to hurt her. thats the hard part, if for whatever reason we part, i want her to be better off then worse off. i dont want her to hurt, i dont want to hurt.

idk. it just feels as if i make life more stressful then it has to be.

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#2

Hey @Rusty247,

I don’t know if you “make life more stressful than it has to be”, but no matter what you are feeling or experiencing, it has a reason to be. It’s okay to struggle with what you described, to be a little lost, divided between what you want and your desires. I think it’s very natural, very human, and it doesn’t make you a bad person or a liar to those you are mentoring. It’s, in fact, very strong and wise to acknowledge what’s going on, how you feel, and see what you can do from now.

The decisions to preserve yourself until marriage has to be respected if it matters to both of you. Though, you know it’s not an easy commitment. Not an impossible one - at all - but it’s also okay to face some obstacles on the road. I haven’t been in this situation personally, but I can understand. And I think that communication holds a great importance here. Discussing with your girlfriend can be needed. I mean… it’s important in any relationship, but maybe it’s even more important here. So you make sure, together, to be on the same page, at the same moment, and to keep making decisions together. You are, somehow, in a partnership here. Your first ally is your girlfriend. So, don’t hesitate to talk to her when it’s needed. To share your doubts, your feelings. There’s nothing to be ashamed of.

Also… 2 years porn free in july? Congrats already! Man, that’s awesome! You’re doing great. And I hope you are proud of yourself for that. Cherish your victories, even the daily ones. It’s important to fuel your heart with what makes you growing. :hrtlegolove:

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#3

Hey friend

Maybe making time for you both to sit down to discuss your morals, expectations and hopes for your relationship could be a good thing. Maybe share both of your feelings on intimacy to see where you are both at and work together to decide on how you want to move forward.

I know it can be hard when you feel so strongly for someone, but maybe it could be worth working together to set out a safe plan for both of you to work on together to keep your relationship where you want it physically and intimately. :hrtlegolove:

And hey! 2 years! You’re so close! That’s incredible my friend. You got this!

Just stay open and honest with each other. Be open to each other’s feelings. Figure out where the boundaries are and work together to set them in place. :hrtlegolove:

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#4

hey friend,
I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this. I’m proud of you for being so close to celebrating two years though! that’s amazing:)
is it possible for you to talk to her about this and maybe think about slowing down? if it’s really important to you and you want to try your best to wait till marriage, I bet she’ll understand! it’s okay to set boundaries, especially since you’re recovering and it seems like you want to really focus on feeling better, you know?
I don’t think you’ve let her down, it’s understandable to feel hypocritical, but please don’t beat yourself up about it. I wanna encourage you to work on thinking about things that will help you get better and meet your needs (wait till marriage, work on your relationship, focus on other things, etc) and make her happy still. I’m sure she’ll understand. Everything will be okay:) I can tell you are a very strong, capable person and I know you can get through this :heart:

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#5

thank you…truly.

we are talking more, i also was given some advice by good friends. they know i tend to look to the future and rush, they encouraged me to be still rn, not to rush.

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#6

thank you truly…

i forget the good i have done sohaving reminders is nice:)

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#7

thank you

again, i think just hearing from others that it is ok to struggle has been a blessing.

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