ok, so idk what my deal is. every-time i find my self in a place of doing good, of feeling valued, a place of succeeding, i go and ruin it somewhere else.
i will, Lord willing, go celebrate 2 years porn free in july, i have gotten to share my story of sobriety, and have a lovely partner. and yet, it seems like im trying to ruin it. i feel as if i am moving my girl and i too fast, and i do not blame her at all, i know that i need to play my part and let he do her’s however, i dont think ma being responsible with my part in our relationship. i keep finding us in situations where we may end up being too physical, and we have gotten over lines we would have liked to save till marriage. we both work in our church and as well, are not in a place to risk a pregnancy.
i think i feel as if i let her down. and myself. rn i feel hypocritical. in my faith, as i wished to keep sex for marriage (we havent gotten to that however again, its getting close.) i mentor younger kids and i feel like a failure. i want to do this right. i want the relationship to last and be my last (i hate dating) and i dont want to hurt her. thats the hard part, if for whatever reason we part, i want her to be better off then worse off. i dont want her to hurt, i dont want to hurt.
idk. it just feels as if i make life more stressful then it has to be.