Open Discussion post #2 - You're Worth it Week

[all_around_ashley]

“If i changed everything will i finally be worth it ?”.

One of the things we deal with is , Lies we believe in / self worth . Its apart of mental health struggles. We believe in so much lies we tell ourselves. We might have awhile we feel all ice cream and cookies but in a flip of a switch we feel like a sad kid who lost their toy somewhere and they cant find it .
US as humans we go through so much emotions from self worth , to lies we believe in, to battles we have to face, to struggles… We will have good days but we will have bad days.
But every day is a new day to become better , to continue to fight . As i say take it one step at a time .

I have a few questions for you guys to answer :

1. What was a lie you believed in ( a negative lie)
2. What do you do to reassure yourself that everything is going to be ok
3. According to #1 are you able to define the negative lies and the positive things
   and 4) if you had to say something to your self in the past and the future what would it be?

---

-Some of the lies i believed in were:

• I am a mistake
• I am a burden
• I a a failure
• I am not good enough
• I don’t deserve to be alive
  -For me I remember how far i have came and i try to let my self know its okay to not be ok but also things will get better. Things may be tough rightnow but its not like this forever
  -Lies i kow are false :
• I am not a Mistake
• I am not a failure
• I am not a burden
• I am good enough
• I do deserve to be alive
  -Something i will tell my past a future self :
• Past - Things may be rough rightnow but things will get better, it is not the end . You are not too damaged to be loved . You are loved
  Future self:
  Good job not giving up . You have done so much to come this far. Keep doing you and keep fighting !!!

NO matter how rough and hard life can be Please keep reaching out your life is so much worth living .
Hold Fast You’re worth it .!

[Micro]

So many lies can be stuck in our mind. It’s a constant effort to acknowledge them and seek a different truth. It’s awesome how you’ve decided to work on that aspect of your mental health, @all_around_ashley, and that you’re inviting the community to do the same.

1. What was a lie you believed in (a negative lie)?

“I don’t belong”. Can’t say I don’t believe it, still, but I’ve started to perceive things differently. I’ve spent so long feeling like a weird person who was just feeling differently. An outcast which only existential function would be to be hurt by others. And the idea, too much ingrained, that I am made to die by my own hands one day.

I’ve learned that those feelings are absolutely not uncommon among people who were repeatedly abused at a young age and from people who were supposed to nurture them. When we miss a sense of safety early in life, life itself becomes a constant run after that feeling. I’m in a better position now that I understand all of this. But sometimes it’s still too hard, and the lies seem too imprinted in me. Day by day though, they will keep weighing less.

2. What do you do to reassure yourself that everything is going to be ok?

I kind of put myself on a pause mode. I put the world aside by not asking myself any effort for anything during a given time. I do whatever I’d enjoy, even though most of the time I rest a lot because the stress freezes me. I make my environment as cosy as possible at the moment, basically as we’d do for a child if they were sick. That’s what allows me to feel physically safe, and that’s what I need to remind myself that everything is going to be ok.

3. According to #1 are you able to define the negative lies and the positive things?

I think so? At least, I’m able to acknowledge when I’m in a mindset that would allow me to reconsider a thought or not. Basically, if I’d be okay with recognizing that a thought is a lie or not. If I’m not in the right mindset, I’d try to not focus on thinking and to take some distance with myself.

4. If you had to say something to your self in the past and the future what would it be?

Past self: You will be okay. You will thrive. You are stronger than you think right now. Thank you for not giving up on me.

Future self: I look up to you. You give me strength. I can’t wait to finally meet you.

[SheetMetalHead]

1. What was a lie you believed in (a negative lie)?

“I can’t do it.”

This lie started in college when I was failing my engineering classes even though I understood the material. I didn’t understand the disconnect, I just figured that either I was fooling myself in thinking I understood, or that I didn’t have it in me to work hard enough. Either way, I believed that if I couldn’t hack it in school, I couldn’t possibly make it in a career. I knew I was meant to be an engineer, and the idea that I couldn’t fulfill my vocation made me feel lost and like a failure.

This lie has come back in recent weeks as I’ve started a new job. 8 years into my career, there is zero doubt that I can, in fact, be an engineer. However, having gotten a new job about 8 weeks ago, I’ve changed my mindset from “I know nothing and can learn everything” to “I should know this stuff and the learning curve should be minimal.” I have believed that I should have had my first project done in a couple weeks tops, and every day that I have questions or doubts causes me to freeze and doubt myself, and think that maybe I’ve “lost it.” I know that’s false, I don’t just “lose” 8 years of acquired skills, but the feelings feel real.

2. What do you do to reassure yourself that everything is going to be ok?

I stand up from my desk and get away from my daunting work, I take a walk, and I remind myself that I can do this. I think through what I have to do, and walk through the steps and skills involved, and create a vision of moving forward in my work. The problem is, if I don’t focus on that, I lose that notion when I get back to my desk and look at the project that I’ve built up in my head to be bigger than it is. However, for a few clear moments at a time, I know that I am capable and qualified to do my work.

When I’m feeling overwhelmed with my own work, I check on my coworkers. I ask what they’re working on, ask them what their challenges are, and walk through those challenges with them. It feels good to help others come up with solutions, and reminds me again that I know what I’m doing. That practice helps me here too

3. According to #1 are you able to define the negative lies and the positive things?

Yes, but just because I know they’re false doesn’t mean they don’t feel real and aren’t hard to cope with.

4. If you had to say something to your self in the past and the future what would it be?

To my past self: You are as capable as you think you should be. The aptitude and abilities you think you have are real. The school environment is unrealistically and unreasonably demanding. You aren’t failing school, school is failing you. You know yourself better than your professors, advisors, or GPA, and you know you can do this.

To my future self: Be proud of yourself. You are an accomplished engineer, and your school history shouldn’t even come up in conversation anymore. It no longer matters, and maybe it never did. Remember, you are not defined by your lack of a degree, or maybe you’re stronger for it. Just remember that.

[Paladine]

@all_around_ashley

What was a lie you believed in ( a negative lie)

“Im worthless” is a negative lie I still struggle with. It comes and drains all of self esteem. It’s been here for so long that I don’t remember a time without it but I’m still trying to fight it. It might not be for myself yet but it will be some day. Another one is “I’m a fraud”. With this one I can remember what it was like not thinking it. I don’t remember what started the thought but remembering that it wasn’t always like this helps me cope through it and see that it’s not true.

@all_around_ashley

What do you do to reassure yourself that everything is going to be ok

I try to reread my friends messages of them saying that I’m not worthless and that they care about me. It helps me a bit. I also just try to compose what I’m feeling. Hearing it in a sound form but it not being words helps a lot.

@all_around_ashley

According to #1 are you able to define the negative lies and the positive things

I think I’m a blue to tell them apart most of the time but when I’m in a spiral the lies are true and the truth is lies. It sucks because when I come out I see how it wasn’t true and I beat myself up over not realizing it wasn’t but I know that’s unfair and I try to it.

To my past self,
You are much more loved than you think. You don’t have to hold it all in or help everyone. You don’t have to lie about who you are. You can be helped and you will be helped.

To my future self,
I hope you are better than what I am now but if you aren’t that’s okay. As long as you are doing your best that’s all you need to do. I hope you have been able to transition more than me but again if you haven’t that’s fine. I can’t wait to compose the music you listen to.