To those who managed to gaslight me,
Here is how I determined that you were being dishonest.
After a month of getting harassed by someone while being told that I deserved it by various members of your group, I found my project server completely wiped out via your admin’s “bot” (which did not behave as a bot and violated Discord’s Terms of Service - especially since I had banned its user).
When I presented this to the group, your members claimed to be neutral, uninvolved, individualistic.
Later on, I used an alt to claim the title of “King” of the aforementioned admin’s server (by asking nicely), and then I posed a dakimakura featuring a jackass of a president next to one of your avatars.
Your members suddenly forgot about how neutral, uninvolved, and individualistic they were! You went so far as to accuse me of “stooping so low,” and even vaguely threatened (to “go full salted earth”).
My friends tell me that those those two actions I took were mere pranks. My therapist tells me that those two actions I took were mere pranks. You insist that they were heinous actions. I am willing to consider that they were somehow not harmless, sure - but if we are to consider that, then we Must consider that the more severe actions taken by members of your group (the harassment in various forms) were also not harmless. Furthermore, the fact that you talked of being neutral, uninvolved, and individualistic while others acted on me, but then suddenly became not only involved but also aggressive when I acted on others, presents a glaring inconsistency that you have failed to address. Your responses to my inquiries have amounted to the following: “No, stop playing innocent when you are wrong. We were always neutral. You acted like (name of person who abused group members, including me) changed the narrative, and now live in a fantasy world while we live rent-free in your head. We do not have to explain anything to you.”
The problem with that position is that you A: Have ignored my demonstrated willingness to consider where I did wrong, B: Were only “neutral” while I was the recipient of various actions, C: Have not actually drawn parallels between my actions and those of (that person who abused us), D: Refuse to share what this narrative was before a supposed change, nor what it was changed to, E: Cannot justify the claim of a “fantasy world” since I have pointed to events that actually happened, and F: Are pathetic enough to take pleasure in having contributed to the traumas of someone you once considered (or pretended to consider) a “friend.”
If you feel that I have made some error in my reasoning, then I invite you to explain it to me. I shall not be waiting.
(Thanks for reading. I shall not send this letter to any of them, but I still wanted to write it. It’s been years, but some days, it comes up.)
I also have had fallouts from communities where people decided to take sides and that were not the cleanest of breaks. Where people I thought were my friends, all of a sudden turned on me. This kind of thing is a terrible thing to experience, or go through. I am glad that you were able to get it off of your chest, and I do not blame you for sometimes contemplating on these past events. Regardless of the time it has been since they occurred. Losing people in your life/grief, can take some time to go away. I hope however that letting it out has provided you some relief, that you can find new friends, and new solace in the present. Feel free to share more if you ever feel like you need to. We are here! <3
I’m sorry to hear about your falling out with this discord community and amongst people you thought were friends. It is frustrating when we we are not heard or listened to in situations where there is a disagreement. I’m glad that you were able to use the safety of this platform to give yourself some release and get your feelings off your chest. Open letters are a great way to do that.
I hope you are feeing a bit better.
I’m glad you are venting and letting your feelings out! I’m sorry you experienced this situation. Being gaslight is horrible, especially when you fully know you are not wrong but also feel like there is nothing you can say or do to convince others of the truth. What matters is that you know who you are and the intentions behind your own actions. At the end of the day, falling out with people is never easy, but I am glad you have reflected on your experience and that you have grown from it.
I hope writing tihs letter has brought some relief to your heart. Given what you’ve described in it, there is no doubt that this situations has brought its share of pressure, stress and turmoil into your own world, and it’s certainly the kind of thing that can build up over time. It sounds like you have truly seen the best and worst of some people there, and it hurts when there is no accountability taken at the end. You see the wrong, you try to prove it and highlight it, but you were met with an intense denial, which is the kind of shit that can be awfully consuming. In my personal life I’ve seen how far denial and refusal of accountability can push people sometimes - it’s both vertiginous and scary at the same time. It’s almost like you and them were speaking different languages and had two different levels of communication. Sigh.
At the very least, you have now the possibility to be on the other side of this situation - to see things as they are, to name them and to stand up for yourself. Which is something to be proud of!
May you find peace and closure regarding what happened, at your own pace.