For past a couple days, I been stressing about band stuff, I’m worry that one member will be a control freak and take over the project I have started. I don’t want to be a control freak , but I don’t want to be same situation where I get stcrew over. However, I really want to play show and unfortunately you have work with people at times. Also missing playing music with people and just being around in general.
Last summer I was at a skateboard contest, I was nervous being last place. One skater that was doing sick got injury. Obviously I felt bad that some got hurt and hope they had fully recovered. However, at time while talking with someone at contest. I said “ I felt she got hurt, but it less stress going against her”. It really fuck up that I said. It make worse, cause I said out loud, cause I let my ego get to me. I fear that Karma is going to bite me in the ass and now my knee is kinda acting wired.
I still felt shitty saying that because that injury could have stop from skateboarding from the rest of thier life and I’m disappointed that should kept that shitty thought to myself. Overall, I hope that person is recover and is able to skate, cuase they were doing sick trick and would be fun to her land those tricks.
( side note I’m guy love the fact I was nervous beating by someone from opposite sex. Because it proof that women and girl can be better than guy in skateboarding and I hope this inspire more women to pick a skate and kick boys asses.)
There’s no need to feel guilty about impulsive thoughts, even if they’re generated by ego, and would be embarrassing to talk about. The brain has layers. Part of it is objective, and it helps a person control impulses, and impulsive thoughts.
A lot of impulsive thoughts come from what is often referred to as the “reptilian brain.” It has no moral compass. It was the part of the brain that helped pre-humans survive. It’s only thought is of survival, and whatever gives the individual the greatest chance of surviving. That level of mind is where the impulse to fear or resent anyone who’s “different” comes from. That’s where the drive to compete comes from. Like elk locking horns or sheep butting heads, there’s a DNA mediated program within that level of the human brain that shamelessly pushes thoughts into our conscious mind, that as rational, evolved humans, we need to turn away from, because those “animal” instincts are obsolete, and if acted upon would only do harm.
So, when you feel a wave of relief if someone’s misfortune shifts circumstances in your favor, it’s just that ignorant leftover bit of brain trying to make you do what you might’ve done long before humans started becoming more civilized.
Our character isn’t determined by our thoughts, but by our actions. All of us have embarrassing thoughts and temptations. It’s how we react to them that provides evidence of our character.
I agree, you should keep shitty thoughts to yourself, unless you want to talk about them here.
The thing to work on is giving your mind time to evaluate the words you wish to say, before you say them. In person, I’m often quite slow to speak, because I want to be careful with my words. People around me are used to it, and it seems that they make greater effort to listen to me because I do take my time talking.
I love your attitude toward competing with women. The world will be a far better place if we celebrate and support each other as much as possible.