From commitarson0: I got off early from my work early today due to the events that lead up.
I have been an apprentice for one year as a cook. Before becoming an apprentice, I thought to myself that it would be a fun experience…which was at the start. I have had 3 mental breakdowns the past 8 months of working here. I have never had a breakdown what-so ever when I was at school. So I dont know why I am like this.
Before anything else, I would love someones opinion if what I did was just me being sensitive or if I was the wrong here.
So today was just any other normal day at work. I prepped my garnish for the main courses. Everything was fine, I was mostly quiet because I mainly focused on my job while my 3 coworkers were having fun and talking. The three of them are super close, they gym together, game together and talk about women and love life alot…And when I say alot I meant for the past 8 months I have been working there. They talk about it nonstop. Because ofcourse theyre men.
There is another apprentice who is a year older than me. He is somewhat an okay person, kind of super kind to me sometimes. The other two are bestfriends that live together. Basically have been together since highschool. One of them is the sou-chef and the other a normal chef.
After I prepped everything before the costumers come to the restaurant, we eat lunch. And after we ate they were mountains of dish to do. We have no dishwasher in our restaurant and apprentices have to do dish. Were basically like slaves and have to do the dirty work because the other two chefs dindt want to do it. Nobody does. Sometimes they rarely are actually in the dishwasher… Maybe like what? Thrice a month? I find it funny that the apprentices have to do the dishwasher all the time. The main chef once told me that all of us are equals, if one fails everyone fails in the kitchen. And that everybody is here for eachother. So stupid.
The sou chef was the dishwasher on tuesday, then on wednesday the me, then comes yesterday which was the other apprentice. Keep in mind that yesterday I was helping a ton out yesterday and was forced to go in and be the dishwasher. I dindt want to since I was already there yesterday. But the sou chef was forcefully saying shit like “GO IN DISH. GO CLEAN IT UP.” Like damn… chill. I told him I was there yesterday and was pissed that he dindt believe me. He asked the other apprentice who was in the dish yesterday and that I was in there. Then said “Ah okay.”
So jumping today, it was alot of dish on the bench. And everything was cluttered and werent on the rack where everything wouldve been nice and clean. My main chef was super pissed when I messaged him about this. Hes not currently here and is spending a holiday with his son in Mexico. Last year due to me arguing about the dishwasher, He basically told all the chef that it shouldnt be like this and has told them mutiple times that it should be cleaned and not just putting it on the bench.
All of my colleuges are always on their phone, joking around and keeps talking about women 24/7. Like I had no problem with it at the beggining but now its a pain in the ass. Whenever its them its okay but whenever its me its not okay. Maybe its because I am the only girl in the kitchen but I am used and is like a pushover. If I am told to do something I do it.
Whenever the other apprentice is in the dishwasher he doesnt get any critism. And whenever its his turn to do dish I dont say anything because its his turn. But whenever its MY turn. Every. Single. Fkn. Time. To my fnk face that “its your turn in the dish” " do dish" " do dish go back and do dish if youre not doing anything" " You do know youre in the dish today right". Are you fnk kidding me. Whenever hes happy or when I am on dish and that I am super irritated he puts on this song that we love to listen to since its from our favorite band. He probably thinks that hes doing something nice which in reality that I have noticed receantly means that he is mocking me. I am not delulu, he gets so fnk happy and smug and he clearly sees that I am pissed. Then he puts this song… like its clearly not helping.
They have pushed me so far that I have become greedy, sloppy and just super unmotivated. They talk back at me where I could hear everything, saying that “before, whenever shes told to do something she does it, now its irritating, she just have to do the dish”. Other apprentice is like " True, True"…Like I dindt have a problem about until nobody helped me while you guys help more the other apprentice. I had to speak with my main chef about it three times for you guys to actually finally help me. But that fnk doesnt last long and you make it s•••• and hard for me.
The sou chef came up to me and told me " Whats wrong? Like what happened? Why are you like this today? It doesnt look like you want to work here" Saying that AFTER i finished cleaning up the dish. And then I told him that " Im fine? What do you mean… I have already done my job here." And he goes " I dindt mean it here in the dish or there in the kitchen but just in generally". I dindt get f he meant here. But he told me I dindt look good and that if I wanted to go home early I could. So I went because I have had enough. I went in the gardrobe and changed and all my pent up emotions just spewd up. I bawld my eyes out and ran to the other exit and luckily nobody saw me. I looked like I took drugs because my eyes were so red 
I have been bottling this pent up emotion for the past few months and I am so sorry for the long vent.
Today was just not a good day for me.
I was also texting a friend of mine from discord while everything was happening. I was super sad and furious. They were too obviously and I also knew that I was also in the wrong. I was super pissed and greedy… AGAIN, like when its them its okay but me? No. They probably think I cried over something trivial… which I would agree but goes to show how fucking awful they are for me to CRY and have a mental breakdown just because of a fucking dish. I felt like I was treated unfairly.
When I came home I met my mother, we talked about how she bought new jackets and that I was super happy for her. Then I told her what had happened today … She keeps saying that I should do it slow since they also do it too. So I dont have much work and I keep saying " Yeah I know, I know… youve been telling me all the time." Since I also had to talk about it with her last time. What pissed me is that she keeps on repeating that fnk sentence to me whenever I talked about what happened today. Then started fnk talking s•••• like " Hey, Ive been there-" thats fnk it. I went up and went to my room. Are you fnk kidding me? I only wanted someone to hear my thoughts. And the worse thing is that she said that two times when I had my two mental breakdowns. Why is it always about you? Why cant you hear and listen to me for once? I cant talk shit about personal affairs with my parents. Theyre the fnk worse when it comes to helping their child and being there for me once. My mom says “You know dad is new to being a father so you gotta take it slowly…” HE HAS BEEN MY FATHER MY WHOLE LIFE. Just because he is my stepfather…and 9 YEARS AT THAT HOW. HOW CAN SOMEONE BE NEW TO THIS S******. Its always the fnk same, I have given up showing my true personal feelings to them. Then they say why I say nothing. Mentally ill parents. I mean yeah theyre super nice but what the f. I cannot believe they cant be there for their daughter even once. Cant help but to just accept their behavior because they will never change for me. One time my mom just left out of the blue and went to the USA to be with her sister due to her being depressed. Im super jealous she had someone to be concoled from. I am an only child and I have never felt so lonely today. Usually I love to be alone but having nobody to be there for you is just saddening.
Again sorry, this will take so long to read but you can pour your feelings all you want and be truly honest with me. I have a strong mental mind and I keep things to myself alot but everything just keeps spirling all the fnk time like I am stuck or some s•••.
Anyways I was thinking of changing to another workplace after a year of being here but the other apprentice has a few months left, and the other two chefs and main chefs are also leaving due to being there for too long. And someone who I am close with from the waiter side is also leaving this march. Super sad but thats how life goes. So no idea if I should change or not
