My therapist talked about this a few months ago and this is really hitting me right now. Not only am i stuck in a never ending depressive episode along with tremendous stress from university and future applications im struggling to apply. Im also struggling with my relationship. We recently fixed everything my depression was having a very bad impact on the relationship and i learned to deal witj it better but i cant help but notice how different things are from when we first started dating to now (2 years after). We dont have our own home or any privacy thus we have very limited options on private time together. He doesnt feel comfortable with PDA. But i realised that PDA wasnt a huge deal when we initially wete dating. Yes he was never comfortable with a huge audience but if there’s 1 or 2 people around that never stopped us from kissing. Now? Its completely different. I want to blame the stresd we both are experiencing and the bad Patch we had but things are getting better but he doesnt seem to be warming up to the idea of more physically affection. I do want to mention where we live its not socially acceptable to show PDA and our university is pretty strict in that matter so he does say we dont wanna get in trouble which is true but again that never stopped us before. Im sure theres a valid reason for it infact im not even sure if im too over my head and analysiing everything because my brain sees this as perceived rejection to such an extent its triggering my eating disorder because i feel so unwanted and unattractive.
I have tried talking about it and bringing it up he just says we are no longer hormonal teenagers and we have reached a more mature level in our relationship but to me it sounds dumb.
He complements me reassures me it has nothing to do with how i look and hugs me and gives me forehead kisses. But idk…
I feel so utterly rejected.
And this thing on top of everything is making me loose it all.
I have a doctors appointment to get on new meds and i was trying so hard to do better but this isnt helping.
I dont know how to deal with it or what to even do about it.
I just want the way we used to be before back.
Not a lot has changed except this…
Hi Rory_Gilmore,
Thank you for sharing with us! I’m sorry that you are feeling physically rejected by your partner in your relationship. You are currently going through a lot and I can see how this can be adding feelings of distress to your plate.
A couple questions: the first is, I know you mentioned you all don’t get a lot of private time together due to circumstances, however, when you do get that alone time together, what is it like? Is there physical intimacy and affection, or is that still absent? You don’t have to share that answer, but I do think the physical interaction in private times would be a better marker of your partner’s current physical attraction towards you than the public scenarios.
To play devil’s advocate and provide an alternate perspective, I do notice that you mentioned that the rejection is perceived. I noticed that there is a lot of comparison between the early moments of the relationship when you all were younger, and now. And what your partner mentioned could genuinely be a factor. As you two get older you will change and mature and it’s hard to know what things in our personalities will change along with that development. So as he got older, maybe he doesn’t have that same thrill for risk as he did when you two were teenagers, leading to less PDA in the relationship. I think it could be helpful, if other means of receiving that physical connection you are missing (other than PDA) can be explored and identified. Where your partner can make you feel attractive without feeling uncomfortable himself. A compromise of sorts. Especially since you mentioned that the PDA is really the only change you’ve seen in the relationship. As each person evolves in the relationship, it’s an opportunity for the relationship to evolve as well and become something new. No relationship stays the same throughout because no person stays the same within the relationship itself.
I’m not sure if this was the type of response you were looking/hoping for. But it is my weird way of trying to reassure you that based on what you’ve shared, I do think that your partner is still attracted to you. I just think they have changed over time and now feel uncomfortable doing something the younger version of themself felt comfortable with. And that is a natural and normal thing. However, this does not mean that your needs in the relationship should be neglected either. So hopefully you two can come up with new ways together that sort of meets in the middle where both parties needs are acknowledged and met. 
Hey @Rory_Gilmore,
Welcome to HeartSupport! We’re so happy you’re here!
@Shan said it perfectly. And kinda looking at it from the male-ish perspective here, the PDA could be himself being afraid of getting pushback, or not knowing how to initiate. Because I know myself I’ve had those worries itself, especially in relationships where there was a really rough patch. It took me a LONG time to get over those fears.
Hi @Rory_Gilmore,
I agree with @Shan. It’s hard to be in a relationship with person that doesn’t appreciate PDA. Does your boyfriend want to be intimate in private? There has to be a reason for him to reject you.