I don’t think it belongs in support… but it will probably be put under there anyway… so why not save the mod some trouble and doing it myself.
There’s this song in the musical Heathers, which is a really f-ed up musical btw… but there’s a really beautiful song, sang by this girl, Martha. She feels lonely. The love of her life just got killed (but she thinks he went away by himself), her best friend is hanging out with the “cool kids”, and she’s “too fat to be considered pretty”.
Every time I’m feeling lonely, her song pops up in my mind. Not because it’s inspirational or a masterpiece… because it’s not… it’s the song of a girl who is so lonely and feels very unloved. I always lose it when it comes to the point: “Certain boys are meant for kindergarten; certain girls are meant to be alone”…
I can’t even begin to express how true that feels. More often than not. I don’t have a romantic relationship. I don’t have friends IRL here who will just come by or are able to come by and give a hug. I don’t have family who I can tell that I’m struggling with ADHD and Depression… because it’s “just in my head”. Yeah… actually, it is just in my head that makes it so fucking hard to communicate with others what’s going on… why I’m struggling… and if they wanted to take the time to get educated it would be easier to explain, but they’re not even open for that…
I also feel like such a bother to my friends IRL, especially after the last time I asked for help and just got shot down. And the stupid thing is… I understand completely why… I would’ve chosen differently personally, but I can’t force someone to do that… not when they have their own plans…
So most of my support is online… but then that fails again because apps don’t work or internet decides to throw out, and suddenly you realize again that you are in fact… alone… There’s no one you can ask for help…
Even when someone says “let us know when you need something”, I can “yes I will”, but I can’t ask for it if I don’t know what I need. I can’t ask for things that are impossible… I can’t ask for physical help I need… because the support is online… and it just makes it all that more obvious that I’m alone in this…
just thoughts… as usual…
I know how much it takes for you to reach out, and for your friends to then shoot you down when you did reach out will really hurt and I’m sorry that happened. Do you think you could try again with them, or have other friends irl you can reach out to?
Does the person/people you originally reached out to know how you feel about what happened that night?
Please don’t let your kind heart get broken down by not having a relationship. I know it’s hard to think of in times like this, but them happy faced couples you see planted on social media are a couple of second snapshots, and the couple’s you see in the streets may have things going on behind closed doors and their smiles are a mask that they never let slip.
Don’t let your worth be out balanced by your relationship status.
You are loved friend
Hi nyntje
I am sorry you feel so alone and lonely. I know that i cant help you with most of the things you are dealing with. I know I cant be there for you when your family isnt listening to you or when your friends shot you down to give you a hug. And i know i cant help you with the things in your head but I will tell you that you are not alone in this. I will tell you that you matter. i will tell you that you are stronger than you think and that you can beat this because you can and i know it. Even if it brings you just a little bit of light into your day because I know you dont deserve to be going through the things you are going through and I cant make them go away but I will try to make it better for you even a little. It makes me mad that i can do only so little but I will do it anyway because of the fact that it might help. All the people here nyntje would go to you and gave you a hug if they could. The least I can do is . I know it might not fell as warm or as real but know that the intention behind it is real and that we care about you. You matter Nyntje. You might be lonely but you are not alone in this. We will try to make things better even if just for a bit.
It becomes harder each time… I already feel like I’m bothering the and this just confirms that. And I know that they don’t mean to hurt me like that, so I don’t want to talk about it because that can make things worse and make them doubt themselves and I don’t want to be responsible for that. If that makes any sense.
I haven’t really talked with them afterwards because I’m not in the right headspace to communicate that. I also feel like it’s kind of selfish of me to ask… I know I’m a lot of problems… so to me, it also kind of makes sense…
A heart can’t get broken down by something if it was already broken down by so much more. The lack of a relationship is just one of those shattering moments that happened years ago… It’s another confirmation that I don’t fit in “like normal people” and you don’t have to tell me that the “normal person” doesn’t exist, I already know that… but it’s more that every person has their people around them… whether it’s a romantic relationship or a very close friendship… and I don’t have that here. And with a romantic relationship, you could have someone here. I’m not saying relationships aren’t work, because it takes a lot of time, a lot of trial and error, and a lot of communication. But you can have someone who is here. With you… through that struggle… someone who can say: “Fuck your family that they don’t accept all of you. I do. And I’m with you” and that they are actually physically here… keeping me accountable and that I can keep them accountable as well… I just need a partner… but I can’t ask that of anyone… Sorry
@Ashwell I appreciate you taking the time to respond. I’m not sure if I’m strong anymore, but maybe I’m just getting more and more tired. But thanks for responding. Love and appreciate you
. I know it might not fell as warm or as real but know that the intention behind it is real and that we care about you. You matter Nyntje. You might be lonely but you are not alone in this. We will try to make things better even if just for a bit. 
