Please help me, I don't know if I can do this

I’m scared.
Some of you probably know my current story already, my dad is in an affair and we’re trying to get him back. He’s always seemed to me like he knows everything and that universally, he is right. He scares me. He has a funny playful side but that can change real quick. He is very strict and scary and he just yelled at me because of my wallpaper on the computer. It’s lyrics from a band I love. At the time, I thought, “why not? I love this band and these words don’t sound too bad to an outside view.” My dad screamed at me saying that he doesn’t want to hear that I’m depressed. That I shouldn’t be because I have everything and I’m not homeless or anything. It hurts that he just doesn’t get it.
I was bullied when I was younger and it was years after that I summoned up the courage to tell my parents. Now my dad seems to be mad at me for not telling him. Who regrets it more, really? I do of course, and he doesn’t even stop to think of why. I was scared to tell him. I just feel like I can’t tell anyone in my family anything. I don’t want my mom to overreact about me and I don’t want my sisters to think I’m complaining or trying to get attention. I can’t be myself. I can’t listen to my music out loud because of their judgements or wear the clothes I want or anything. I feel like I’m getting slowly crushed and my childhood is getting wasted and useless. If you can’t confide to your family then who? I need support I need to talk. I don’t have any friends to talk to. I’m just really lonely. Dont get me wrong, I go to a good high school and my family does care for me.
I don’t know I need help.
My dad just scares me a lot and I want to be a rock singer in a band when I’m older. How can I tell him that without him throwing glass or disowning me? I don’t want to be a coward and just run away but how can I face him? And I don’t know, I just don’t know if I could do it.
Please help me I feel so hurt and lonely

Oof @Bvblover16…That’s a ton to unpack.
First and foremost, THANK YOU for sharing your struggles with us, its the first step to finding a solution, my dude. We love you and value your life in this world. (Definitely needs more rockers! \m/)

Parents are tricky, they never want to feel like they have failed. And as any parent is, they are human and make mistakes. So some of the anger shown to you can be coming from that. It’s hard to be completely honest with your parents… I’ve struggled with that as well…
“I’m just really lonely. Don’t get me wrong, I go to a good high school and my family does care for me.” This sentence stuck out to me my dude… Being young has a ton of pressure. pressure to find out what you wanna be in this life is one BIG OL ONE! Don’t pigeon hole yourself into one career. I can assume that your parents want you to be successful and happy. If you’re in High school, you don’t need to have a set goal for your career. Practice your singing, instrument playing… all while striving to do well in school. You will find out your strengths in this life and will be able to choose a great career for yourself in the future. Dont grow up too fast, fam!

Love you, value you and praying for you fam!

Hey there Stephanie :slight_smile:
First off, i know how you feel. I know how it feels to feel lonely and like you can’t really open up to anyone. The best i can tell you is BE YOURSELF. Don’t ever pretend to be someone or something that you’re not. If you’re not okay, thats OKAY. Reach out. Trust me there ARE people in your life that love and care for you. And we as the heartsupport community are here for you. If you’re feeling depressed open up to someone you trust. It doesn’t have to be your parents all the time, it can be a teacher, or a pastor, counselor, etc. Find someone you can trust. Trust me, it’s better to reach out. It’s scary at first, but you won’t regret it. It might be one of the best decisions you make. If you want, maybe one of these days it your parents down for a serious talk and open up to them. Be honest with them and don’t be afraid. Tell them whats going on. Be honest with your dad and tell him how hes making you feel, hopefully he’ll understand and change for the better. You CAN do this. God’s with you and He loves you and He will help you if you let Him.
Praying for you!

Thank you @nessdaniels @Levelerrr. You have no idea how much your replies mean to me.

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You need to realize that people are themselves and will do what they want to do. If he decides to have an affair or split from your mom that it is his own choice as much as it is your right to view it as him being wrong.

Explain to him how you like the band & that you like the lyrics plus why you like the lyrics.

You need to state this to your father. First off explain to him Depression isn’t sadness or a feeling or a state of mind. It is a phase or a stasis. Feelings & circumstances can affect/influence it as much as the weather outside, but it doesn’t cause depression. So all the reasons he points out can be reasons to not be sad and to be happy but are pretty much moot when it comes to Depression. Also, tell him about how you feel that when he does this that you feel hurt.

(Hopefully, you’ll get through to him. If not then don’t sweat it. He doesn’t care to understand.)

Don’t let the past overcome you. Your feelings are your response to the experience. Remember that your feelings are a part of you, not you or who you are. Feelings can’t measure the strength you have. As for family understanding or confide on. This isn’t true.

I am not open entirely with my family. We aren’t close either yet we still love each other. Everyone has secrets and everyone lives their own lives even while they live together. (I personally was molested/raped, cause trouble & explored my town while living under the roof of my parents. They never met my only 3 GFs I ever had (now my exes). I lived a double life while living with them.

You don’t have to play music loud (Earbuds/headphones). Take a bag with you and change your clothes at a friend’s house (or go to a store & use their fitting room) if it really bothers you that you can’t wear what you want. Live your own life. Once you move out when you get old enough it won’t matter that much.