Poly And Trust

ok long story short, I have a friend of 10 years, after my ileostomy surgery a year and a half ago i had issues with dating. My friend told me to get out there and date but in my 30s i was nervous i have had chrons all my life an dd been tased and hurt. I ended up falling for his gf he broke up with and we talked and became close and dated long story short we all decided to date and she told me she still loved him so i said why don’t we try poly, ( we date the same person but keep our sex/personal life sperate/) But as i moved in and loved her he hated me for it especially when i proposed. I know it’s odd and maybe frowned upon but I’m losing sleep and very unhealthy right now i need advice on how to make this work. only good trusted unbiased advice. He is my best friend and i trust him with my life. I just feel like since we started to date the same girl and i have got closer, he has resented me for it and i him. I need help please.

1 Like

Hello DarkLiteReactions,

Poly relationships can be tough, even tougher than singular relationships because of the complexity of others. And it’s definitely not odd or frowned upon. I’ve been in poly relationships myself and they can be truly special, but it’s also not for everyone and that’s perfectly okay. I think the best thing right now is just the 3 of you having a sit down conversation about what’s going on, and reassure him of everything, talk about your feelings, and build that trust. Poly relationships definitely need that extra layer of trust involved, but the transparency is just as important, and your best friend sharing his feelings and being able to talk though it is only gonna make things stronger in the long run.

Thank for for sharing this difficult experience. I see while you’ve struggled finding a personal relationship in the past, you have been able to find someone that you care for and had become close with. Her still being in love with your friend can make your relationship more difficult, especially if your friend is upset that you are with her. I see that you love your girlfriend and want to be on good terms with your best friend.
You’re worried that you could lose your best friend. It makes sense that you’re feeling desperate to find a way to make this work.
Of what I know about poly relationships, communication is a main priority. Being able to understand each other’s emotions is key, and it’s important to find the right balance of how much quality time your girlfriend would spend with each of you.
It’s also a possibility that your friend wouldn’t be willing to be involved in a poly relationship. If this is the case, it might help to talk with him so that you both understand how you feel about your girlfriend. I can’t guarantee this will completely mend your friendship, but understanding each other could lessen the resentment.
I hope you’re able to find a solution that works best for the three of you. Take Care.