Hello Again! I read the past response and suggestion from you guys who replied to my post. Thank you very much for the suggestions and the comforts <3 aprreciate it so much.
So like I did follow some of your advices patiently and yeah I feel a little better even though everytime I got back from the class I’d be breaking down a lot cuz I need to deal with my classmates. Honestly in my country when it comes to mental health, the society do be judging and classify us the same as the one who locked up in the asylum (I mean I would actually rather gettin locked up in tht place than having myself deal with uneducated people. They ain’t educated it’s just the smooth brain attitude and the lame mindset LMAO). Based from my past experience, I mean i dunno when it comes to counselling in campus since they are always not available around but when i was in mid school my counselling teacher used to leak a lot of how I feel and my secrets. Make me question why, how can an ederly have such heart. An expect us to respect these such kinds of people. But I forgive her because I jsut want some peace in my mind. Even though sometimes I have killing fantasies on people who drag me down to the bottom. Fortunately enough, I grow up to have a lot more of common sense and rational thinking. Yes, sometimes I act based by my emotions but I try not to. So for counselling maybe just not now.
Good thing, I am no longer a people pleaser. I got none to lose since they are treasuring their ego. Only if they said pls when asking me to help them i might or might not lend a hand. Depends on the situation. Well they barely ask me nicely and most of the time they ghost me. I don’t understand. So this were the situations, I had a friend, same class. We were a good friend until my depression attacked me cuz someone spread bad rumor about me. And instead of them comforting me they just ignore how i feel. At first they tried to care. But my perfomance last sem was very bad I barely hand up the assignments on time that triggers my lecturer to consult me either in private or in front of my classmates. It was… I swear horribily, unbearabaly painful. I barely eat too and I spent most of the time cheating out from classes and finished up previous assignments and just sleep. Well I am naturally an anti social cuz people keep treating me like this since i was just 3. I understand my beauty are no match to other queens out there but at least I have more common sense than them 
. Legit, cuz of my bad perfomance my team work efforts from myself gotten worst. At the end they just hate me cuz they don’t understand my situation. I don’t understand why the whole class and the other class(tht is same course as me) related to hating me? Like most of the time lecturer do be asking the class assistant why am i like this and tht to them instead say it directly on my face. But few of them consulted me and asked why i picked this course and if i am serious or not bla bla and mentioned that every one has problems. Well yes and they also have their own time coping. My classmates dont understand any of this. Mostly from rich parents. Why are the non related hating and spread more weird stupid rumor about me? Instead of not being the part of my situation. For real how low are their common sense?? And that got me being ignorant towards people like them. What are they gonn do about it?? Talk shit on me and then abacadabra me magically becomes perfect, admit all my fault and have a perfect perfomance Well nah. They should save up some space in their head to think rasionally and create a lot of common sense. Friendship isn’t forever. It rarely happen to people. People are mostly just a temporary joy in this life. Perish it until they have to leave.
I dunno for them but i grew up, being taught to respect and not to judge. My mature thinking was taught at the young age even though I wasn’t as better as now. But I still know how to use my head better. And another good thing I actually like it when they are mad at me for no reason although their words are triggering me to go violence. I can’t seem to care their insults no more as long as they don’t talk shit about my family. Feel abit lonely but the peace are the most important.
p/s: I atleast have a friend from different state (he is older and trustworthy) in my country to vent out. But still I prefer vent here and to my friend since I could seek advices and comforts.
That’s all for tonight. Thank you for reading folks <3
