I am so sorry that I do not have the energy to type what has been going on. In short, I came out to my parents and told them about my girlfriend 2 days ago, and since then, my dad has been saying things to me that I could repeat, but I do not think I can do so right now in a linear and coherent fashion.
I am going to just copy and paste an email I sent to my therapist, along with some quotes from my father I let my partner know about. If you have any advice for being home during this pandemic, please let me know. Please pray for my family and my well-being. I am very afraid.
“I have been told many things by my dad, and I am afraid of him. I have been told I am selfish, an incurable disease, and that I have no accomplishments to my name that he could be proud of; I have been told I have nothing but disappointments my entire life, and that it is not just about my happiness. This is especially painful, as I have spent most of my life trying to make my parents proud of me. If anything, I am simply bewildered at my dad’s overreaction, and some of his actions as of late. He truly does not understand how he could have hurt me in this life, and that I have done nothing but hurt him. He has been confusing, telling me that he can’t change my choices, but also asserting his authority as my father and telling me about how I am harming the health of him and my mom, telling me I cannot win because he is my dad.”
I have been denying it for a long time, but I think my father is being manipulative and emotionally abusive.
Thank you for all your love and support HS community-
You make my day brighter always,
Alex (alexcaden11)
I am sorry that you have to endure that and that your dad is the way that he is. Coming out is a huge and brave thing that you did be proud of that. It would be amazing if family can accept you for being you. As an LGBTQ person myself this is something that I still struggle with because not everyone will be accepting. I want you to know that being LGBTQ is not a disease or a mental illness and is not something to feel ashamed. Your sexual orientation does not make you selfish and you have accomplished a lot in life and if he is not proud of that, then that is on him not you. We all want to please our parents and make them feel proud of us and have them believe in us. Your dad might still be in shock over what you told him and it is going to be a process for him, your mom as well as yourself. I’m not justifying his actions, but whether you are LGBTQ or straight you are still his daughter and as with any parent his job is to love, protect and support you in both times of triumph and times of hardship. How does your Mom feel about all of this, and what was her response when you told her? Are you able to talk to her about this? I know you emailed your therapist and hope that they can continue to be there and guide you through this journey. In the meantime, some things that might be able to help are journaling because if anything it can at least help you get your thoughts and feelings out and if you are concerned that someone might find what you have written you can always shred it, throw it out etc… I would also suggest continue to be in contact with your therapist and girlfriend to let them what is going on and to be there for emotional support. I notice you skate and it might be hindered due to quarantine, but if you are able to skate whether it is in your yard, driveway wherever you can while practicing social distancing go for it. (Speaking from personal experience skateboarding has cured more heartache and has been there no matter what.) I want you to know that everyone here at Heartsupport cares about you and will be here for you no matter what. Keep hanging in there and I pray that the situation between you and your dad can be resolved in a positive matter.
I’m so sorry that your dad reacted that way. Seriously, that sucks. When I came out to my mother in my 20s she basically told me I was disgusting. She was so appalled by it. And she held it against me for years.
You absolutely do not deserve the hurt being thrown at you. You are not selfish for being who you are. It sucks when our own parents can’t accept us as we are and offer unconditional love.
