Question for the Community

HeartSupport Support
1

Hi everyone.

I hope you’re all staying safe these days.

Since I started going back to therapy these past months I have been feeling way more positive. Very happy. Part of myself wanders if this is fleeting, that maybe this will fade. At the same time, I know that I have been conditioned my entire life to think that if something good happens to me, something bad is coming around the corner. Because of this, I am remaining positive because I know my insecurities are probably just bad programming and as long as I remain positive, those thoughts will subside, after all it has been several weeks since I discovered this new mindset and happiness and I feel like if it were to waver, it would’ve happened already.

Anyway, I didn’t make this thread for that. I made this thread to ask the community a question.

I know when I was at my worst years ago, it would make me… I wouldn’t say angry, but perhaps envious of other people’s happiness and I would think that it wasn’t fair that they were happy if I couldn’t be happy. In hindsight I know these thoughts aren’t true, but depression and anxiety do things to thought processes. So, what I would like to know is, Does it bother people that I am so positive?

Recently I have been pretty active in the daily Twitch streams (I am zashunina_ on Twitch) and, because I’m happy, I share that. I continue to offer what advice I feel I can offer here and on stream. I just don’t want to come off as abrasive, offensive or elitist because I have managed to find happiness when others haven’t. In fact, finding happiness has driven me to want to help more because I no longer have to spend as much time focusing on my own mental health.

I like to have positive people around me because I am very empathetic and I tend to feel the emotions that surround me as if they are my own. Most times I remain aware of my surroundings so that I know when this happens so that I’m not taken off guard and confused by feelings that may have seeped in without me being aware. This happened to me several weeks ago after a heart to heart with someone close to me, and I had a total emotional shift of hopelessness and despair. After I had time to process events, I concluded that said person’s emotions probably got through because I wasn’t prepared for what I was walking into. (This is a very extreme form of empathy, I don’t remember the exact name for it, but if you ever saw Hannibal - the TV series not the movie - it is very similar but not as severe as what the main character Will experiences.) But I digress again.

It is in my character to want to help people and stay positive. To keep trying and never give up. Does this bother you?

1 Like
2

The short answer is no.

The expanded answer is you don’t have to apologize for being a better version of yourself. You don’t have to dampen that for anyone. It’s not fair to you, and it will set you backward. If anyone doesn’t like it, they can leave. If you don’t like what they have to say to you regarding your happiness, you don’t have to subject yourself to their negativity. If it’s someone near and dear, you don’t have to cut them out, but you can tell them “This conversation is over. Come talk to me when you can be rational and objective.” My wife went through that with one of her friends, who kept claiming “You’ve changed (for the worse) since you got married.”

3 Likes
3

Thank you. While writing this, I did have that persistent thought that it really doesn’t matter how others receive what I offer. I guess in the back of my mind I don’t want to do more bad than good. But I think you are right and maybe this is just something I need to realize now that I am happy.

1 Like
4

hello sapphire
first of all i’m really happy to hear that you are doing a lot better than you used to and keep going and the best wishes for you…
about the question that you asked i think that’s why we have gathered together to be with each other during hard moments and good moments of life.
and when i see someone for example has the same situation and could make it through and now is doing well i become hopeful and the energy passes to me either and that’s good cycle
thank you for your great post and thank you for thinking that deep and being concerned about others
take care

1 Like
5

I wanted to further expand on this because I find it interesting and I found an article about Hyper-Empathy:

https://www.google.com/amp/s/blog.cognifit.com/hyper-empathy/amp/

The article is kind of long but I wanted to point out some tidbits that I thought were interesting in case anyone else thinks they might be like this or if they have unexplained mood shifts that baffle them. Of course I’m not a professional, I can only speak from my own experience. Also, I didn’t really want to make a new thread for this. Anyway, some fun facts/tldr version:

-People with hyper-empathy experience other people’s emotions almost as if they were their own

-One study found an association between childhood trauma and high levels of empathy. The severity of the trauma correlated to the level of empathy. (I found this especially interesting because of my own childhood trauma, as well as the stigma that people who are abused tend to grow up lacking empathy.)

-Another study found that people with higher empathy were more sensitive to negative expressions and emotions, and there is also a link between higher empathy and compassion fatigue in health professionals and caregivers. (I kind of touched on this in my original post, where someone’s negative feelings seeped in without me realizing. Negative emotions are especially bad for me, it makes me feel almost sick to be in the physical presence of someone experiencing highly charged negative emotions.)

-Research points to a link between hyper-empathy and social anxiety. (This correlates with my Social Phobia diagnosis.)

-Highly sensitive people find social situations difficult because they take on the pain and anxiety of others and are not able to disconnect. They may put others’ needs before their own and become overwhelmed in situations where people are distressed.

-Large crowds can also be challenging because empaths can feel overwhelmed by noise and chatter. This may cause them to retreat from social situations and avoid them altogether. (I definitely suffer from this. I will often get what I always described as Sensory Overload, and so it is easier for me to stay in a quiet place, which also keeps emotions from getting in without me realizing it.)

  • A study found that emotional intelligence can have a positive effect on social interactions with others but can cause stress for the empath.

-Hypersensitivity and contagion from other people’s negative mental states can also lead to emotional storms and mood swings. (Definitely been there.)

-Empathy allows us to bond with other people. However, hyper empathic individuals can have a blurred sense of self.

-Romantic relationships are especially difficult for people with hyper-empathy. The closeness of a relationship is challenging for someone who may feel overwhelmed by the emotions of others. (I’ll be honest. When it comes to this, I think I was lucky to find my husband who has Asperger’s. I’m not saying that those on the spectrum don’t feel emotion, but something about him makes it to where I almost never feel like his emotions are seeping in. Ironically enough, my husband has a couple of friends that have told him the same thing. It’s almost like my emotional sponge gets a break around him.)

-Highly sensitive people are susceptible to manipulation and can fall into abusive relationships with narcissists.

-People with hyper-empathy are more likely to trust gut reactions and pick up on subtle cues that offer insight into what others are thinking or feeling. (I have SO many stories about this.)

-Hyper-empathic people may be at more risk of developing anxiety and depression because of a tendency to internalize and focus on negative emotions and take on guilt.

…OK, so admittedly that ended up being a little long but it was actually condensed lol. To be honest I hadn’t considered the part about the blurring of self, but the more I think about it, that’s exactly what’s happening. If I’m not prepared for a social interaction and something gets through without me noticing, I have abrupt and severe mood swings and also confusion about why I feel those things. And sometimes it is hard to separate from those feelings until I realize they probably aren’t mine, assuming I can make a correlation (I’m not always so lucky.).

I really wouldn’t wish this on anyone. It is great to be empathetic, but by all means, being hyper-empathetic is a sharp double edged sword.

1 Like
6

Hello @Sapphire First of all, thank you for writing!

To resurface your question here. You asked: Does it bother people that I am so positive?

And the best answer is I’m not sure.Or a better way to say it is Yes and No. No, because everyone loves positivity and everyone needs more positivity, Yes, because you have to be careful of toxic positivity.

So do people get bothered by you being positive?

Do I? No. Do Others? I’m not sure!

Hope that helps!

DuckMakesThings

1 Like