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Random anxiety

this is my first post! i always look through these and they make me feel so valid. it’s 3 am and i can’t sleep. i was super anxious yesterday and tonight which is bizarre. i haven’t been super depressed or anxious this past month so it’s annoying for this to happen so suddenly and for no reason. and the reason i’m anxious is so dumb i can’t believe myself. so i started a new job at a local coffee shop in march. it’s alright but i work like 5 or 6 days a week which is a lot. a lot for me at least. i work like 4-5 hours a day. the thing that’s stressing me out is tea. it’s so ridiculous but today i found out i’ve been making the wrong type of iced tea and idk what the right type to use is! but i don’t want to ask anyone because i should know this; i’ve been working there for nearly two months. they’ve also seen me make iced tea before so they think i know what i’m doing but really i don’t know what tes to use. it’s stressing me out so much because my boss was the one who pointed it out today but i just played it off and said that’s the types of the the customer asked for. i also can’t look up what tea to use because my boss buys special teas whenever he travels somewhere so the flavors are all crazy. i’m hoping writing this helps because this is the only thing i’ve been thinking about all day and i’m so annoyed that it’s over something so dumb. idk what i should do though. i’d feel so dumb asking a coworker what tea to use out of nowhere. omg also i messed something up today. i forgot about this and i wish i never remembered. someone got an order that came to $12 and they payed with a $10 gift card. i put the gift card in(which tbh idk if i’m entering the gift cards correctly) and they should have had to pay $2 more since the gift card didn’t cover all of it. but the screen never gave me an option for them to use their credit card, so i just told them it was covered and it’s all good. but it isn’t all good. my boss looks through the transactions and he might see that. omg what if he’s mad because i didn’t make someone pay $2. i hope he just doesn’t notice, but that’s also something i that i don’t know how to do but too scared to ask someone. ur probably thinking “bitch, just ask someone,” but i can’t. that would be too embarrassing since they think i know what i’m doing. anyways, i’m going to try to read and fall asleep but i might get distracted from this dilemma. if you read this, you are doing amazing and doing your best at life! things get hard but you’re making your way through! xoxo

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Hey @hslot,

Welcome in! I’m glad you’ve decided to write down what was on your mind. Oftentimes when we are anxious, just the act of putting our thoughts somewhere else helps to gain some perspective and feel less overwhelmed. Just a healthy step in order to not let our worries have the last word. Good job for sharing this.

I can totally relate to this stress you described caused by a situation at work. It’s not silly at all to be worried about that kind of thing. However, it’s not necessarily fair to yourself either. Because we all make mistakes and, at work, we’re constantly learning. Even your boss is still learning to improve what he’s doing. There’s absolutely no shame for asking questions. Actually, once you ask about something you need to learn, it displays a lot of humility and willingness to do the right thing. It shows that you care about your job and what you do, which is generally very appreciated.

Between the lines, and behind your stress, there’s the fear of being a failure. But this fear is attached to an unfair expectation, which is to be absolutely perfect at your job. Truth is no one is perfect and no one knows everything. Everyone has good and bad days, there are times when we are more or less performant as well. And that’s okay.

You’ve learned something the wrong way at first, but you can still learn it the right way now that you’re aware of it. If there’s a coworker you feel more comfortable with, you are absolutely allowed to ask them the question you need. You can simply ask something like: “I was told yesterday that… So I’m wondering if I’m doing this the right way. Could you tell me which tea you use, because I want to make sure that I’m not making any mistake”. It would show that you’re just willing to do your best! No shame to have for this, really. Even if it’s been a while that you’ve been there, you can still learn and improve. You know, in every workplace there are people who have been in the same position for years and they keep repeating the same mistakes. The worst would be to be aware of it and not be willing to learn.

You are not dumb for being stressed abou this, and you are not dumb for not using the right tea. Now might just be the time to learn to do it correctly, so you can get rid of this stress that’s weighing on you. You don’t have to be perfect. You are allowed to ask for some guidance. And even more: you are allowed to be gentle with yourself, to lower a little bit the expectations you have of yourself. Aiming for bettering ourselves is good, but it can be unhealthy if it makes us feel ashamed for being inherently human.

The worst in this kind of situation is to stay alone with your stress and let the shame grow. You’re going to face these situations again and you’ll need to know what to do in these cases. It’s okay to learn, friend. You’re not less wonderful and competent because you’d ask questions. Actually it’s the opposite! Many people prefer to be stubborn in their own ways, even if they know they are wrong. Asking for help can be inspiring for your coworkers as well, as they’d know they could rely on you in case they face a similar struggle. :hrtlegolove:

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Hi Friend The Houston HeartSupport Team replied to your post here is the link!

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1t9l3p_AlHmA8EUhDkgyLwybwtnfUHsU7/view?usp=sharing

Hold Fast.

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