My dad does not respect my borders and loves to give false options. “Okay put on whatever you want to” usually means" put something on and then let me yell at you to change into what i think would look good on you" and " hey can you please do this for me/hey do you want to hang out with me" means " do what i tell you to do or im going to yell at you that you need to get out of the house more, accuse you of not loving me, call your generation soft, and maybe threaten to or actually beat you before forcing you to do the thing i asked and pretend like nothing happened a few minutes ago." Just a few minutes ago my dad called over my sister and had some talk with her about how life sucks ass and how he hates all of his life and that fishing is his only joy in life “BuT THatS juST LIfe” and just in general being mean about it. I want to do many violent things to him for saying that to my sister which has been one of the 2 people irl that i have felt safe around enough to come out to plus ive wanted to do a lot of things for the many times he has cursed me out and beat me but i dont want to become a piece of shit like him. he will die a bitter old man in a home due to his irresponsible spending habits, abuse of chewing tobacco, bad parenting, forcing hateful views onto his children, and making his own children scared of speaking up to correct him on his hateful views. He is a result of circumstances but i still will not forgive him for what he does as he could learn but he chooses to stick to his hate filled roots and is slowly withering himself away by choosing hate, anger, and violence. due to his stress he resorts to tobacco which is killing him literally while also killing him metaphorically. If he changed his ways today and gave me anything i could possibly want i still wouldnt forgive him as it would be too late to reconsile these broken promises of love. Im just super fucking angry and i want him to magically disappear from all of everyone memories and cease to exist for everything he has done. I just want to be normal so i wouldnt have these thoughts.
Hi there, I understand how difficult it must be to live years around somebody you feel hatred for, and I acknowledge that these emotions are much more intense when it’s somebody in your family. It’s important to note that just because of your anger towards your dad however; and even with the thoughts of wanting him to disappear or hurt him, that you are still a normal person just expressing that anger. However, maybe you can try different methods of conveying these emotions, such as watching TV, journalling, stress baking, or listening to music! The last suggestion is especially one that has helped me through so many of my own past issues as it really brought out the catharsis that stems as such an important element in music itself.
I also recognise that your dad physically abuses you, which I believe is a major risk to your wellbeing and that of your sister’s. Now, I am not certain of the severity of your father’s act of beating you up, but if it does come to a point where you feel unsafe around him, consider child protective services. Again, this is only a suggestion, not something needing to be followed.
I also appreciate your courage to rant about your dad on this trusted platform, so now I’m wondering if you ever had talked this out with other trustworthy people, such as your sister or perhaps your mother and friends? Maybe they can also assist with providing advice and support, especially since they are close people in your life.
I also acknowledge that your father is “a result of circumstances”, which I believe implies that he himself has not had a good child/teenagehood. And especially from his rant about life towards your sister, maybe he’s trying to find somebody to talk to about how he feels, just like your decision to rant about him here. With this only being a suggestion, maybe you can converse with him about his life, how he makes you feel, and try guiding him in the right direction. Maybe even offer to go fishing with him as there’s a possibility that you can perhaps see the joyful part of him that he normally doesn’t exhibit. Again, this is only advice that personally helped me throughout my own tough times with my family, but it largely depends for everyone.
Please do not hesitate to voice out your feelings or rant here, as me and other compassionate volunteers will try our very best to respond quickly! You are not alone and I give you all the support I have.
Hi Mega_mind9,
I am so sorry about the difficult situation you are going through. It feels as if your dad constantly disrespects you by limiting your own autonomy by forcing his own opinions onto you. You seem to lack any freedom in your home, and it is definitely not acceptable to resorting to violence against your kids. It sucks that he is trying to project his own negative attitudes about life onto your family, as it seriously limits your understanding of how joyful and fulfilling life can be if you have to the choice to live that kind of life.
I understand your desire for violence against your father. Believe me, when I say I have wanted to do the same to my own father. I happy that you recognize doing the same thing will make you like him in a way, so I commend you for you restraint.
I think it’s interesting that you characterized your dad’s life as a result of the circumstances he went through. I know you said you won’t forgive him, but I feel like it is worth exploring what happened to him socially and environmentally in his childhood and early adult life’s. It may give you an opportunity to empathize with him as well as draw wisdom to not be like him. I know you don’t want him to exist, and rightfully so, but maybe he has a tremendous amount of trauma that he has yet to have resolved and may need your help with that. Obviously whether or not you want to understand his backstory is up to you, and I respect your decision either way. If his behavior has already made it past the breaking point, then I would suppose it would be in your best interest to isolate yourself from him and himself as much as you can to avoid tarnishing your life. I don’t know how old you are, but if you are old enough and have a job, it may be best to get your own place to truly experience freedom. If you aren’t, then you may need to consider child services.
Hope this helps!