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Belongs to: Therapist reacts to Slipknot “Wait And Bleed”
Reaching out has become a phobia at this point. The thought brings panic.
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Hi @HeartSupport_Fans ,
You aren’t the only person that has a phobia. Everybody has a certain reaction with phobia. I used to be scare and get panic attacks. Panic attacks aren’t delightful. When I see something scary, I tried to think something else or look around my surroundings that helps me calm down. I used to be afraid to talk with others and heights but I have to face my fear. Sometimes you have to expose in order to reduce the fear. I hope someday in the future that you are able to conquer your fears.
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Love,
Toastaintbad
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I’m sorry friend that the thought of reaching out has been such a distressing experience for you. It has definitely been the case for me throughout my life, especially as I had to learn - and continuously learn as an adult - that asking for help is a safe step to take. I didn’t have the possibility to learn this as a child so it’s a constant challenge to face whenever I acknowledge that I need external help and can’t shoulder it all by myself anymore.
Somehow it is incredibly scary to put yourself out there, to share what’s on your heart and knowing that it’s now going to be seen by someone. It feels like you can’t hide anymore, you can’t pretend or choose how you want to be seen. You can’t trick others anymore by making them see a version of you that usually feels safer to present. Instead you give the tools and knowledge that someone else needs to help you, which is at first to have the possibility to see your most vulnerable sides. It’s hard because it feels like having no protection left against potential hurt. You are not armoring anymore - instead you show how you are behind the armor, through how you truly feel or think.
It also feels like taking a risk as long as you are waiting on an answer/reaction from the person you reach out to. If you personally had any negative experience in the past after asking for help, you also carry the memory of these bad outcomes. It makes it even more difficult to put yourself out there. There’s a certain amount of uncertainty that surrounds the act of reaching out, so feeling a sense of panic and fear makes completely sense. You don’t want to be judged, you don’t want to be misunderstood, you dont want to generate emotions or reactions in others that would make you feel unsafe or uncomfortable, maybe you don’t even feel worthy of others time and care either. It’s a lot to untangle and the outcomes are significant. It’s profoundly human and okay to feel fear when it comes to asking for support.
If it can be of any help, Heartsupport has an online forum at forum.heartsupport.com where you can share what’s on your heart anonymously, and be heard by people who care in our community. It is a safe place to reach out, be understood and validated without any judgment. I actually used that place over the years to practice sharing about my own struggles, because it felt more manageable at first to write messages to people I didnt know, online, rather than having a face-to-face conversation with someone. It has been a stepping stone over time to finally see a therapist - which I was absolutely terrified by and pushed away for a good decade. It helps to have middle spaces like this where you can practice and cultivate positive experiences following the expression of your own vulnerability.
You are not alone, friend, no matter what. It’s okay to take your time when it comes to overcoming those fears, it’s okay to take babysteps too. This is about you, about your life and heart, so it is absolutely important and matters most. You matter. So very much. This panic is present now, but it can be reduced and eased over time, little by little. I believe in you. 