Hi this think is more for me but I dont mind sharing it. It might be good to get Feedback. My mind has been a mess so I need to write some things down to make them clear for myself. TW for those who want to read. Suicidal ideation. And it is dark. Please dont read if you are in a bad place right now.
Reasons why you are staying alive.
You would hurt the people who care about you.
2 You gave a promise to your psychyatrist that while you are at therapy you would not do it.
It takes a lot of energy to prepare a plan and execute it.
You have a bit of hope even tho it is fading.
Reasons why you want to kill yourself
I dont want to live
Living is hard and there is no point to it
I dont really want anything from life
I will be dissapointed even if i dont want anything
I dont like myself
I dont like people
I dont want this bleak existence
I feel stupid for trying to give myself reasons to live when I dont want to and this world is made to make me suffer
We all die anyways so even if you convince yourself you want to live you will still die
I’m glad you’re here. I’m glad that you’ve been sharing and helping people on this site. You have a unique perspective and great feedback for others.
I’m so so sorry you can’t right now find the joy and happiness that seem to come easily for others. I know I don’t have a lot to offer for you to reflect on, but I do see and appreciate you.
You have the wisdom, strength and power to give yourself the mean to get where you want in your life.
You don’t have do figure out everything instantly.
Life is made of experiences and so many good ones have yet to be met by you.
It would be a pure injustice.
You don’t know what the future holds for you. Nothing is written already, and certainly not dying by suicide - it is a thought you’ve grown with and sticks to you, but it is a thought, no matter how real it feels.
Your struggles don’t define you, there is more to see and feel.
You are a light. You don’t belong in darkness.
You know what is right or not, even when you are struggling, as you are able to share encouragement with others too.
You are not alone. So many people love you and you’ve impacted their life positively. You’ve impacted mine and I am so proud to call you my friend.
I have yet to listen to all the songs that you’d be willing to keep sharing with me.
The context at your home is heavy, and a change of environment in the future could make a big difference, even if it’s not a one-solution.
There are other things to eventually try in terms of getting help.
You’re only at the beginning of your therapy - it’s a long-term process that’s worth to keep investing yourself in.
You wouldn’t want anyone to hurt themselves. You don’t deserve it either.
You are going to do an amazing job in psychology, no matter how long it would take you to get there.
You have the experience, knowledge and ability to turn these dark paths into something meaningful to you and to the people around you, to keep expressing your generous heart in ways no one else would, but while knowing when to say no too.
So many other games and so many other DnD meetings to have!
You are worthy of life, of unconditional love and care.
You haven’t been through so much to give up now. The accumulation of dark times is exhausting, but you’ve strengtened yourself through each of them. You’re a freaking warrior.
All the smiles you’re going to have in the future, whether it comes from a genuine compliment by someone, spending time with a person you appreciate, or just embracing the perfume of a morning coffee.
Lots of puns that have yet to be shared during our SWAT meetings!
Thank you so much. This made me smile. Thank you for all the other reasons you gave. But not all of them seem true for me.
I dont know about these. A lot of the time I feel like a hypocrite a fake. Telling people there is hope and that they should not give up while having little hope myself.
Thank you for being vulnerable and sharing this. I know I’ve been in this dark place way too many times. But, I have experienced so many new things in life that I’m so glad I’m still here. It took years for me to get in a better headspace but I did. You can too. I still don’t know my purpose in this life but I’m so glad I stuck around.
I lost a friend in 2009 to suicide and I haven’t recovered. I often think of all the things he could’ve seen and done if he were still here.
I know just existing can be tough but my only reason to stay alive was hope and I held onto that so tight. I promise you it won’t feel this way forever. You’re so much stronger than you think and deserve to be here just like the rest of us. Even though you may not feel it or even want it.
Just know there’s a day you’ll look back and be so glad you never made such a permanent decision and be so happy you’re here.
I understand that feeling. And I’m pretty sure that is something that most of people who are used to giving help here and there have felt at least once. However, it doesn’t make you a hypocrite. You can be struggling and provide genuine help. We can know something rationally, yet having a hard time to actually feel it for ourselves. Hypocrisy would be to say “do this/do that” without meaning it. Struggling doesn’t prevent genuine love and care. The only thing that it shows, is how caring and loving you are. Because even in the midst of your own struggles, you keep giving some of your time and energy to others. It only inspires respect.
Thank you for all the other reasons you gave. But not all of them seem true for me.
