Hi, I was diagnosed with schizophrenia approximately five years ago. I battled dark, twisted thoughts for the better part of two years and mostly lost those battles until the tables miraculously turned for me. Anxiety and depression controlled my entire life, and it was not pretty. I went through various mental health institutions in multiple states. I am now at least 110% from where I was before the psychosis hit me. The positive outcome of my story is a plain miracle, and I could easily be dead or still in a very scary place. As painful and dark as that season was, I see how it has worked out ultimately for my good. I hope my story can be an encouragement to you, and if you find yourself today in a dark place please be assured there is most certainly hope. Ask me anything about my experience, dealing with the illness, how I made it through, etc…
Wow! So encouraging and powerful to read these words of your story! What a blessing and testimony you have, you are going to impact so many people by sharing your journey and heart!
Hi! I have Suicidal ideation, depression, anxiety, CFS,FMS and an eating disorder. That stuff is normal for me. But recently the noise in my head is so crazy i hear voices and stuff. How did you cope with things when its 4 am and you havent been able to shut them up so you can sleep?
Hi @Kynya !
Thank you for sharing, and I want to let you know that you are taking the right steps in reaching out for help from others. Troubles with the mind are nearly impossible to tackle alone, but with people who care about you, those who have been through it and made it to the other side, and trained professionals you can certainly make real progress. There is light at the end of the tunnel.
It can be so hard when there is noise and voices in your head that you cannot control. It is really distressing, scary, and dark. I feel for you. What I can do is I will tell you my experience and what helped me, offer you hindsight tips, and commit to praying for you.
In my experience the voices in my head were so significant that they actually gained control over my words and actions. I ended up not eating and losing tons of weight, driving across the country running from non-existent enemies, blowing through all of my savings, and saying cruel things to loved ones. In two words: it sucked.
Ultimately, what helped me was that I reached the end of my rope and went to those who deep down I still knew cared for me. Thankfully, they were understanding and loving towards me, and without them I do not know where I would be. They (forcibly) put me in the hospital and eventually I was able to find a medication with little side effects that brought sanity back to my mind and removed those thoughts.
Two takeaways: First- Confide in those whom you trust, find the people that truly care for you, let them help you. Second- medication can really help, I was stubborn at first and wouldn’t take it, but it really has been miraculously helpful, so be open to that too.
A third takeaway: I don’t know where you are at with your beliefs or experience with God, but I now know that there were people praying for me and I believe that it really had a tangible impact. I will be one of those people for you, and if possible, maybe reach out to a Christian person or community who can walk alongside you. Disclaimer: not all churches who call themselves Christian are really walking out the faith in love, which makes it tough, so one of my prayers for you is that you will have discernment and God will lead you to a community that is really walking in the love of Christ.
Finally, a hindsight tip: I wish that I had cast my anxieties and cares on Christ at an earlier stage. It would have really saved me from a ton of pain, suffering, and damage. Sometimes it takes hitting rock bottom to find the eternal kind of life with God. But, if you can, I would recommend saying a prayer. It can be as simple as: “Jesus, help.” I’ve seen God work a miracle in my life and I know He can for you too, because His essence is love and power.
I hope that this helps you, Kynya. I feel for you. This is not easy, and there is no simple answer. Please know that you are in my thoughts and prayers. And feel free to reach out with updates, concerns, or follow up questions.
May the God of love bless and keep you.