Hey… A few months ago there was a girl(one of my classmates) who approached me and asked if I wanted to be her boyfriend and I said yes… God I was over the moon, I had never felt this before… It felt as though my heart was beating out of my chest, “WOW!!!..my first girlfriend” i thought… But then when I went home I got a message " IWJK sorry Hoffman." And I got the “…sorry Hoffman” but I didn’t know what IWJK and I replied by asking what she meant and she said “I was just kidding… I’m sorry you’re a nice guy but I’m sorry”. I felt my heart sink and I never spoke to her since. Just a few days ago she texted me and asked how I was doin and I just snapped and I let my emotions pour out, I told how excited I felt when she asked me to be her boyfriend and for some reason I told her of the 11 girls that rejected me and what she did was a shitty move… And she asked me to be her boyfriend but this felt… I can’t describe this was worst than all my rejections… This felt like pity and I declined… Ironic isn’t the guy that’s been looking for a girlfriend for his entire life said no to a girl… It gave me a chance to think how do I tell anyone this, like let’s just say I like a girl and we get really close, I want her to be my girlfriend and I want her to accept me not out of pity… How do I tell her, do I even tell her…
Dude, congratulations! You asserted your dignity and didn’t devalue your boyfriend cred! That’s such an enormous step! By telling her no for the right reasons, you’ve taken back power in dating dynamics. It doesn’t mean it’ll be easier to find a girlfriend, but now you’re in control.
Now, if you like a girl, tell her. Say “hey, I like you and I’d like to get to know you better, will you go on a date with me?” Ask her to be your girlfriend maybe a few hangouts in, not immediately. If she says no, that’s all it is, just a no. I know we fear that a girl will say no and mock us and everyone will laugh, but that’s not the reality. Like you said, rejection ain’t all that bad. On the other hand, a girl may admire your assertiveness and agree to a date, then maybe another and another, or maybe not. That’s how you start building something special, and that’s how you maintain control and dignity! In any case, if make your feelings clear, nobody has to wonder what the deal is.
PS: for whatever it’s worth, that girl was an unbelievable bitch pulling that “just kidding” stunt on you. You already figured this out, but turning her down was the right thing to do.
Hey @Hoffman,
What you did was very brave, courageous and strong. To let her know how what she did made you feel, to share about your past rejection and, indeed, how much of a shitty move that was from her. Being honest and voicing your hurt was definitely a good way to stand up for yourself and make it clear that you are not there to be fooled just for the sake of others’ fun, or whatever. I am so glad you managed to be in control as you did. It might have been uncomfortable to her, but you were in your right for expressing your feelings there.
This is indeed a big lesson that you’ve faced, and something you can be proud of. Yes, we could see a bit of irony there somehow, but I’d rather say that this is a manifestation of your strength. Of the fact that, despite your past experiences of rejection, you don’t let them condition your choices in the present moment. You see your value and the fact that you are deserving of respect. That your past experiences are not going to push you into places you don’t want to be. That’s amazing, and once again, very strong as well.
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