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Relapse = option?

I haven’t had a drink in a long time, apparently that means to 90% of the people around me that I do not have a problem anymore.

But I do.

According to pretty much everyone around me, I should just grab a drink because, “I’ve been doing so well lately”.
What they do not know is that almost everyday, I wish I had a drink to drown my emotional pain in it.
But actually, most people just ignore the fact that alcohol is toxic for me.

It hurts to see close people treat me like that, people who should know me better than to say such things.

Alcohol plays such a huge part in my culture that you’re crazy if you don’t drink. It is almost expected of you to get drunk and to get drunk on a regular basis.
Especially the area I live in, the percentage of alcoholics is pretty high.

I’ve made the mistake of “thinking that I can handle it now” too many times, and it always ended bad.

Also all the jokes hurt, like a lot.
It is not uncommon to just make fun about addicts (it’s very present in my family) and to make fun of alcoholics especially.

Today again, when people who were there when I was a horrible person, they just made fun of things and acted surprised when I said I won’t have a drink tonight.

I already struggle at the moment with my sobriety, I don’t know how to deal with all of this as well…
maybe having a drink, or many, do the trick…?

I am so proud of you. It is very upsetting that those who are meant to support you only tease and provoke you. I think you know in posting this that the right choice is to stay true to sobriety. I hope that you come across people who can respect that and applaud you instead of mock you.

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Thank you.
I hope so too.

This time of the year is hard enough on its own, but atm not drinking is really tough.

I appreciate your reply.

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