I haven’t posted in a few years I think. Although, lately I have been feeling so “off” and depressed about my relationship with my partner. She has several mental issues that has been really affecting our ability to connect on a healthy level. I feel like I haven’t been able to feel comfortable, honest, and loving with her lately. It sucks because she is like my best friend. I love her so but can’t seem to get over this hurdle lately. We have been together for over 3 years, bought a house together, and hang out literally almost everyday. Not sure how to deal with this right now.
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That’s a really difficult thing to experience. In a way, it feels like being lonely, even in the presence of someone else. At the same time, I don’t think either one of you wants the other to feel lonely. It seems that something has changed, and it has affected the usual comfort zone in which the two of you communicate.
It could be any number of things. Perhaps one of you is experiencing more stress than before. Feeling tired or ill can change demeanor and body language which another person can interpret as some kind of negativity. Concern about an upcoming challenge can lead to a person appearing distracted or less attentive. When a person is disappointed in themselves, it can appear as though they have become less tolerant of others. No doubt, other factors may be involved, instead or along with those that have been mentioned.
It sounds as though the relationship has been successful for over three years. That’s pretty strong evidence that the two of you know how to make it work, when you are not facing this current situation. Therefore, it isn’t the same as starting from scratch and working through all of the relationship forming rigors. Instead, you have just this one issue or change to work on.
If you are feeling discomfort related to communication, consider that she may also have similar feelings. If you let her know that you want her to feel comfortable talking to you, even if it has to do with sensitive issues, perhaps she will express her desire for you to feel comfortable talking to her as well.
Getting involved in activities that bring back fond memories can also be helpful.
It’s good that you know each other so well, as that can give strength to the relationship, and help partners to realize its value. At the same time, people change, so relationships must evolve if they are to survive. I think that ideally, it would be nice to combine the advantages of really knowing each other and having great memories to share, with something of a “relationship reset” in which an effort is made to discover who the two of you are today, rather than to fully rely on who you remember yourselves to have been. It’s like getting to know each other all over again, but with the realization that you know that it’s very much worth the effort.
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Hi @Tyler777
First of all, welcome back! It has indeed been a while 
I’m sorry to hear you’ve hit a tough bump in your relationship. When one or both parties have mental health issues, a relationship can get very complex and intense. However, make no mistake when I say that it’s clear from your words that you love and care deeply for your partner. That much is true. I can also see that you value the connection with her. It’s only natural to feel a mixture of emotions when faced with a tough situation like this one. I imagine you’re feeling guilty, sad and confused, amongst many others just now. The first step to supporting yourself through is to acknowledge and validate your feelings. It’s okay to feel “off” some days. In fact, we all have those type of days. Your feelings are valid, and you deserve to feel them without fear or judgment,
Communication is key in any relationship, especially during challenging times. Have you had an open and honest conversation with your partner about how you’ve been feeling lately? Expressing your concerns and emotions in a safe and supportive environment can help foster understanding and empathy between you both. It’s essential to approach this conversation with sensitivity and compassion, emphasizing your love and commitment to finding a solution together. Seeking support from a therapist or counselor can also be incredibly beneficial for both you and your partner. A trained professional can provide guidance, perspective, and coping strategies to help navigate the complexities of mental health issues within your relationship. They can also offer a safe space for both of you to explore your feelings and concerns openly.
On top of this, self-care is really important at the moment. As much as you care for your partner, your well-being and mental health is important too. Make sure to prioritise yourself and engage in activities that bring you joy and relaxation. Whether it’s spending time with friends and family, practicing mindfulness and meditation, or pursuing hobbies and interests, taking care of yourself is essential for maintaining emotional resilience.
I think it’s also worth remembering that change takes time, and patience is needed. Healing and growth in the context of a relationship don’t happen overnight, and taking things slow is sometimes what’s needed. Be gentle with yourself and your partner, and remember that you are in this together. The best thing you can do is lean on your partner for strength and understanding. Above all, hold onto hope and the belief that with dedication, communication, and support, you and your partner can overcome this hurdle and emerge stronger together. You’ve already demonstrated a deep love and commitment to each other, and that foundation can be a source of strength as you navigate the challenges ahead. Take things one day at a time, and remember to be kind and patient with yourselves as you work towards a healthier, happier relationship.
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Hi @Tyler777,
I’m sorry for your partner suffering with mental health issues. It must have been super difficult thing for you to handle. There will be obstacle in a relationship. Just remember people’s relationship aren’t perfect. I just have a few questions for you. How often do you talk with your girlfriend? Does your partner see how her mental issues affecting your relationship?
I have been suffering with mental health issues for many years. Your partner doesn’t want to show a negative side of her mental issues. Sometimes I need to have my quiet space to fight my mental disorder. I noticed how my mental disorder destroyed my friendship and family. There were mistakes that I totally regret. I knew it was time for me to get my life together last year. I can’t be depressed the rest of my life.
This year I had to reminding myself everyday to not let my mental disorder take over me as a person. I always try to be positive even if my mental disorder hits me like a firetruck. Many years I hated my mental disorder but now I see it as a way to become a better person. I do have people that support with my mental disorder. However, I don’t like bringing my mental issues to my loved ones everyday. This could be exhausting! My family and friends have a life outside than mine. Why do I need to let them feel stress with my mental disorder? I must be responsible to fight my mental disorder by going to therapy and see a psychiatrist.
I hope your girlfriend and you fight these rough obstacle together. Don’t let mental health issues put end to your relationship. Sometimes you need to communicate to make things work. If your partner isn’t willing to change, she will see that the relationship is going to end. You have to brutally harsh with your partner about the mental health issues. **
Look, I loved you so much, but you need to understand that this mental issue is causing me to feel depress! You need to fight this mental disorder for me. Do you even love me anymore? How long are you going to keep this mental disorder ruin our relationship?
My sister had to yell at me for allowing this mental disorder to ruin our bond. At first, I was upset but recognized that she was telling the truth. I needed that wake-up call from last year. She was correct.
HeartSupport and me are here to support whatever decision you make. I don’t want you to feel miserable in a relationship as a best friend. I hope things go smoothly with your girlfriend.
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Thank you all for your considerable responses. It was very helpful🙏
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