I just saw my exes story for the first time In awhile and saw her having fun with her new boyfriend, it’s almost been a year since our breakup which was mutual because we couldn’t see eachother and I truly don’t understand why I keep on feeling this way… I keep thinking “yes I’m finally over it all” and then when she posts something on her story and I think that ,I suddenly become scared and think “what if it involves him…?” Or “what if it involves them…?” In our time of dating she never did post me on her story’s but that’s not why I’m upset I’m upset because I should be over this by now- why the hell am I not over it am I not over her…? I’ve been with my new girlfriend for close to 10 months now and everything is going perfect for us so I don’t know why I still feel this way… I love my girlfriend and me and my ex haven’t talked in so long so why can’t this end already… I feel even worse for writing all this out because people have actually tried to help me on heart support but I keep finding myself in the same situation over and over again- it hurts and I just want it to end… I want to focus on my happiness and not be completely sad when I see anything relating to her or her new boyfriend , maybe it’s all my fault for maybe it’s something else I don’t know… when we broke things off she said she’d still be here for me and be my friend if I ever wanted to talk or needed anything- but as soon we broke up she immediately started dating her new boyfriend a week after our relationship… finding that out made me feel like I truly didnt matter to her if she moved on so quickly meanwhile I was heartbroken barely eating and crying over and over again. she has never once tried to get into contact with me since our breakup and if there was any conversation between us she would always be distant and dry with responses (if she ever responded at all) I just want this one thing… I just want to stop feeling so broken whenever I see them or her mention him.
Any help is really appreciated- I’m sorry to everyone for the long read…
I think it takes a while to get over some of those feelings, especially if you were together for a long time. I know you just want all feelings to evaporate, but it can take time. I’m praying for you!
We were together for almost a year, but my parents didn’t allow us to see eachother since they didn’t like her (she wasn’t a bad person in the slightest) but on top of that there was Covid and the rising restrictions, I feel like I lost a part of myself when we broke up… she knew about my past attempts of self harm, she cared about me and she was the 1st girl I was with who actually loved me… I’m truly happy that she’s with someone who makes her happy I really am- and I’m really happy with who I’m with now but… I can’t help but wish it was me that’s making her happy- I know I shouldn’t wish that but I do and I hate myself for it… Grace (my ex) doesn’t hate me, but the last time we spoke is when I tried to get closure from her. She told me “that talking to an ex just feels wrong to her even if we aren’t flirting “ but it just still hurts that I can’t talk to her anymore, it feels like I’ve just been forgotten by her- I miss her I don’t know if I miss her romantically anymore ; but I do know I miss just talking to her, telling her everything, her remembering the conversations we had no matter how dumb and stupid, her remembering small details about me. I just want her to reach out to me just one time… just check on me and ask how I’m doing; maybe I’m just being selfish… I just miss how things were and I wish I could just be like Grace… I wish I could move on so easily I wish I could forget everything and I wish I could just find some small shred of peace- for the past few weeks I’ve been thinking of nothing but taking my own life. Because I can’t get the way I feel out of my head I can’t just stop and move on; i don’t know why… I can’t remember if I said it in the topic I made above but the heart support team has tried to help me by offering good advice but it just doesn’t work for me… if I take my own life then maybe just maybe I can finally find peace and move on… I don’t want to take my life but I truly don’t know what I’m supposed to do- I can’t message grace because I know she won’t respond to me, and I can’t tell Reagan (my girlfriend) about this because she’s an overthinker and over worrier…
Hey @Mist,
Thank you so much for reaching out here. There is no need to apologize for the length of your post either - what needs to be said has to be said. This is what this place is for - sharing our heart, expressing ourselves, being vulnerable, especially if there is no space in our life to do so.
My heart goes out to you, friend. I can’t even imagine how hard it must be for you to feel stuck with a process of letting go that feels impossible, and at the same time feeling like you can’t talk about it with your girlfriend - for reasons that are totally understandable as well. Know that through all of this, you have a space right here to breathe, whenever you need.
Letting go is such a difficult process. I’ve been lucky enough not to go through a breakup and to share my life with someone I’ve been with for 10 years now. But I’ve certainly been challenged by the need to grieve and let go of people in my life, for different reasons. It’s truly heartbreaking and there’s no word really to describe the pain it creates. Not only it’s difficult, but also there are reminders of those people, just like this story of your ex for example.
How you feel makes sense and is absolutely valid in such circumstances, Mist. It’s like having each foot on different side of a bridge. Rationally, you know that not looking to her stories and setting boundaries is key. But from an emotional standpoint, you just want to hold on to what could have been. It’s a grieving process. It takes time. It’s full of mixed emotions, of times that feel like moving back and forth. It’s about learning to compose with the pain, with the regrets as well, but also to embrace the good memories in order to keep where they have to be: in the past. Allow yourself what needs to be felt, friend. But please, don’t hurt yourself, keep reaching out, and if that is needed, consider talking about all of this to a counselor as well. There wouldn’t be any shame in doint that, especially if you feel like you can’t talk about it to people in your life right now. It’s okay to be supported, and it’s okay to give yourself as much grace and compassion you deserve while learning to navigate with such heavy feelings.
Peace can be found again in this life. With the right support as well, and even if sometimes it means to sit with painful feelings. It won’t be like this forever. Part of grieving is made of processing what happened, but also to focus on what you are living in the present moment and on your future. You also have a girlfriend and good moments to live with her. It’s okay to immerse yourself in the present, little by little, without any guilt for doing so. You deserve to be happy, even if the way you envisioned happiness in the past might be different than before, as it would happen with different people.
You are not alone. You are loved dearly. You deserve to live your life for you too. 
Hey @Mist, I’m sorry you’re having a hard time with these emotions friend. Please don’t apologize for any length of a post, whatever you need to get out there is what matters. Thank you for continuing to come here and posting 
You’re not selfish or a bad person for feeling these emotions. It makes sense with the way the breakup went, mutual breakups offer their own challenges as well, and these emotions can linger. Although you broke up and tried to maintain a friendship, it’s very difficult to do right after. I think what may help you would be to speak to someone who provides professional advice on relationships and have them work with you through the year-long emotions you’ve bottled up.
There is a part of you that is still wanting that relationship and it’s there because there is unresolved emotional attachment to your ex. This attachment is hard to let go because of the circumstances of the breakup, as well as, the miscommunicated expectations and boundaries.
Please understand this: You are worthy of the love that you have in your life. It’s hard to grieve the loss of a friendship when you expected it to stay, no one should fault you for that, not even yourself.
this reply is for WizA and Micro: thank you both for the advice… i just dont know what to do anymore… my thoughts were especially bad tonight as well, my ex girlfriends bf Alex has un privated his Instagram account for what i can tell is no reason at all; i then see he put something on his story so i decided to check it out. it was an extremely bad idea for me to do that… KIND OF NSFW WARNING the thing on his story was a picture of his hand on grace’s ass (which was red) and in the caption it said “mine<3” after seeing this i immediately broke down, my body felt numb and cold and my hands started shaking uncontrollably, i told my friend what happened because she’s been trying to help me with my bad thoughts, but im so scared; idk what’s happening to me, am i still having feelings for grace…? i never thought shed be oki with someone ever posting her that way… the grace i fell in love with so long ago was shy, kind caring and loving- she told me when we broke up that i still meant alot to her, saying “arent we still close?” and thats she was perfectly oki staying friends and staying in touch… but only a week after our breakup Alex dm’d her and they started going out… ofc i didnt know this at the time, i was still heart broken, crying everyday and feeling like shit, so when i suddenly see his name in her bio my heart sank, she has never once tried to get in touch with me even to just check on me, the last time we spoke was april or may of this year and that was to wish her happy birthday as well as give her back the hoodie i found she had given me when we dated… if it would be easier to understand my situation for anyone trying to help i can copy and paste what me and my friend have been talking about. we talked about my thoughts as well as the grace situation
This topic was automatically closed 30 days after the last reply. New replies are no longer allowed.