From xenbria: im ab to get a whooping
n i have such a strong urge to like sh afterwords, i was ab to be a year clean in like 10 days ish but i relapsed 2 days ago. scared im gonna relapse again
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Hey Xenbria
Can I start by saying, wow a year is such a wonderful accomplishment, you should be so proud of yourself. You know its bloody hard to get to a milestone and be proud, be pleased, be wary, be nervous, be scared and then to relapse. I have read a lot of posts similar to yours since being here at Heartsupport.
I understand that there is this fear now of doing it again as its all so fresh but what I would love you to do is really focus on what has just happened, a year of nothing, probably something for a long time you never thought you could do but you did and then a couple hours of relapse! As huge as it feels right now try not to see this as a fail but as a moment of misjudgement, like making a wrong turn, now get back on the road you were on and keep on going. You are strong and amazing. Keep on walking that road. xx
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Hi Xenbria,
First of all, sorry I’m late at replying to this.
I think the first thing it’s worth mentioning is that already you’ve been brave in sharing your struggles with SH with us.
Setbacks happen all the time, but they 100% don’t define you, and relapses don’t erase the progress you’ve made. It would be a good idea to reach out to someone you trust or a mental health professional who can help you figure out where your thoughts are coming from, and give you healthy coping mechanisms to deal with them.
It’s so important to put yourself first, whilst remembering that you are not alone. Reflect on the coping mechanisms that helped you stay clean for almost a year, and focus on rebuilding from there.
I see your strength! I believe you can do it
Hey Xenbria,
I hope this reply finds you well and safe. I know you’ve posted a while ago, but I wanted to extend positive thoughts and love your way.
I don’t know if you ended up relapsing again after posting here, although in any case rest assured that none of what happened would ever define you. Self harm is a tough beast to tackle and challenges so much of ourselves when we feel stuck between urges. If anything, the fact that you were approaching this milestone of one year could have been a trigger in itself too. It’s not uncommon that, while approaching an important stepping stone on our own recovery/healing, we feel the urges to hurt ourselves or move backwards even stronger. The closer you get to significant steps on your recovery, the more real it feels, and the more scary that can be. It’s completely understandable to feel more distressed during those times of transition, or to just have a hard time coping - more than usual. It is a time that can be emotionally charged and particularly challenging for the mind.
I hope that, since you posted here, you’ve managed to be kind to yourself and patient with your healing process. Relapses are, unfortunately, a part of recovery and learning to overcome them. It does not indicate your worth or your strength. Actually, you are very brave and strong for coming close to one year of no self-harm, and even more for working on your recovery. You can’t fail as long as you keep trying and keep showing up to yourself each day.
Hold fast, friend. We believe in you.