School, my ex & bf, and stuff

so i applied to a school out of state and i really am excited for this but at the same time i’m anxious about this. if i’m accepted i would be moving to california in mayish. i got the admissions interview done and that went well, i sent my transcript and i graduated with a 3.0 (the minimum needed to be possibly accepted is a 2.5), and i’ve emailed a previous teacher and a counsellor for recommendation letters. i just have to do my essay and i can’t. i have the main points for it but actually putting it into an essay is really getting to me. i don’t know why i thought i would be able to do this or why i thought it would be easy but i cannot make any mistakes at all i don’t want to f*ck this up. i’m not a good writer. i want to feel good enough to accomplish something. i asked my mom for help but i know she’s not going to and i don’t have anyone else to ask for help. i went to ask my old teacher and the new principal was rude about it. my friend said she would be able to help me but i don’t know. she has work. if i get accepted, though, she lives in the area and i’m hoping to not be too alone sometimes. i told my friend here about how i was planning on moving and she made me feel bad about being far from here but she constantly ignores me, picks everyone else over me, barely treats me like a friend unless she needs a therapist. i don’t want to throw away a possible opportunity for someone who doesn’t really care about me. anyways, my ex has decided now to tell me he was pretending to love me. i told my long distance friend about it and she pointed out that after i broke up with him i’ve been better when i’m not dealing with him. he took advantage of me, manipulated me, made me feel like everything he was doing to me was my fault. i’m still talking to him bc i don’t want to hurt him but i wish i knew a way to tell him i can’t talk to him anymore. i’ll miss him of course i mean he was someone who i thought would be the love of my life forever. but it wasn’t forever and now i’m anxious that my bf is doing the same? but he’s been being supportive, kind, patient with me. i’ve been not the GREATEST at communicating but in comparison to my last post i think i’m 5% better idk. i’m just kind of :confused: that this had to be when i’m trying to take a major step in my life. i know when i get past this i’ll be okay but it’s so hard and i don’t know when i will get past this. i wish it was sooner bc it hurts. i want to be good at speaking my mind and standing up for myself without worrying about people hating me or thinking i’m trying to be rude.

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Hello friend, thanks for sharing.

I think the best answer here could be my own experience, so here you go.

When I first started university, I decided to go for engineering. It’s a really hard class, but I was pretty sure I would have made it. Unfortunately, I didn’t. As soon as I stepped into the class, I knew something was off, and after a few months of trying and failing all of my exams, I decided to quit. I worked for nearly 6 months, then I decided to start all over again. Now I’m studying journalism and it feels better than ever: my grades are high, I’m happy with my choice, and it really makes my talents shine. However, I was scared at first, but after two years of studying, I can’t be more satisfied with my choice.

This is to tell you you MUST NOT be afraid to try. Failing is not a bad thing, sometimes it’s just what you need. I’m not saying you gonna fail this or something, and I’m not encouraging you to do that, but it’s to tell you you need to try. Change is scary, going to a completely different place is even scarier, and also not having anyone around is even more scarier. I’m in a new city, and I a lot of time to get to know the people around. I still live alone, and don’t hang out with people that much, but I’m enjoying my stay and it’s a life-changing and growing experience. Try it out, and if it’s not your cup of tea just quit. There’s no problem with that, because if you’re not made for something, you’ll surely be perfect for eomething else.

As far as your boyfriend goes, I recently split up with a girl and everyone’s saying I’ve been so much better since we did. Don’t lose opportunities because of people: it’s not selfishness, it’s self-love. The distance will be hard to deal with, but if you two are close enough it won’t change a thing.

I wish you the best for your future, and I hope you’ll find your way. Good luck! Love you


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