Screaming on the inside but staying silent on the inside

Hello I am Artislife,

So much in my life is making me really not in a good place. I have had to deal with a lot. I was adopted at birth by two parents. My biological mother made some choices that landed me with Fetal Alcohol syndrome and that has caused a lot of medical issues that I deal with on a daily bases. I also struggle with PTSD, Anxiety, Depression, OCD, social anxiety, self harm. The reason for these is just due to a lot in my past one of the two parents that adopted me was sexually abusive to me causing me to really struggle. That is just a little bit about me.

But as of late it feels like I stand before things and my inside is screaming for help and screaming for people to hear me but it feels like they dont. I am sitting here writing this because it feels like I cant scream any more and my voice is gone because those around me are not listening. Or they feel like they try to but it is not enough for them or it is too much. I hate feeling like I am not enough for people and that they dont really care enough. I know some do. So much as of late is making it hard. I feel like places I had before are being taken away from me. That safety is feeling like it is gone and why cant they just let me have my places to scream. I feel like those around me do not hear the scream so I keep silent and just keep it in until I cant handle it any more. Comments that are said at me are making it even harder to hold it in and normally I just turn to self harm to let it out to release that. But I am trying not to do that trying hard to stay clean as I am just about a month clean and I dont want to loose that. I feel like my mind screams for help or support or love and it wont come. Stuff feels like it is falling around me and my need for help is not coming. It feels like life is trying to tear me down.

Thank you for reading

Hello Artislife

I am so sorry you are screaming for help and people do not hear. I know it feels like people are not listening but know this that we here at heartsupport are here for you. I hope that you know that love is just around the corner and that hopefully soon you find those spaces that work and that you know you can always scream here we will listen.

I also was adopted at birth. I also have the disorder fetal alcohol syndrome not sure how all it effected you but I am here if you want to discuss it more.

I want to encourage you to know that self harm might be hard to overcome but remember it is baby steps and that it is okay to not be okay.

Hold fast

Hey Friend,
Thanks for sharing. You have a voice that’s loud and clear with the HeartSupport community. We will always listen. First of all, super proud of you that you’re a month clean from self harm!! That’s amazing. Please, try to keep it up. Secondly, I’m sorry to hear that you’ve had such a rough past. It’s unfortunate that at times people who are believed to be put in our lives to protect and provide for us, can cause the most damage. I’ve been through a fair share of betrayal with my family. What you have been through is definitely going to weigh in heavy causing you the struggles that you are facing now regarding your anxiety, PTSD and depression, but please @Artislife, don’t let that define you. It wasn’t your fault that these things happened to you, and I’m sure you’re a remarkable person with so much to offer to our world. And it may seem like it’s crumbling down all around you, but just try to plant your feet a bit firmer everyday, and the ground will remain solid beneath you. You are loved. Holdfast.

With all of my love,

Hey @Artislife,

While reading your post, one thought kept going through my mind - “This is a STRONG person.” You’ve been through so much and I’m so proud of you for making it this far. You have such a bright future ahead of you!

When in doubt, know that we here at HeartSupport have open ears - we hear you and we feel for you. We care for you and it’s safe to let out your screams here. Please feel free to give us the weight on your shoulders. I hope that you find HeartSupport a place of safety and refuge. We love you and we want to see you beat this! Please keep us updated. :slight_smile:



      Whatever you were taking that you've stopped taking has left you feeling a little different than normal. To state a process subjectively this effect results from a dependency and tolerance created within the electrochemical and neurotransmitter components of the brain dealing sensory input and output as well as perception. 

      Just as there are positive regulators in the brain for promoting creation of a cell or of a signal, so to are there negative regulators for managing too much response to a condition. When we flood our brains with a chemical or sleuth of compounds that mimic a sensory response, such as to simulate a release of dopamine or of serotonin, the brain will recognize an overabundance of the neurotransmitter(s). 

      A chemical block of the neurotransmitter can be produced after some episodes of above average neurotransmitter presence as the activity of the neurons and nerve cells work to maintain a homeostasis. Drugs induce this tolerance response in most humans, including many creatures like animals. You probably experienced a tolerance buildup to something, and an absence of that something has your brain frenzied as the neurons and nerve cells work to correct for a below average neurotransmitter presence. I'm unsure how long it takes, yet be aware people do recover from addiction to some level of correction/rightness of homeostasis. Eat healthy meals, exercise, and abstain from consuming any drugs or alcohol, which haven't been prescribed for a medical condition, by a physician. Get plenty of sleep, too. Brains love sleep. 

Thank you very much for opening up here. It is better to speak about something troubling, than to tackle it alone. I wish you the best.



Great advice! Love you!

1 Like

Good morning, Dear. Hopefully after many months you are no longer ‘silent screaming’…I have urged you to use your voice and I think that people who are quiet often feel like others should know what’s going on inside of them without ever stating it plainly. We who love you cannot read your mind. If this struggle continues, please work to talk without emotion to people…it’s the skill I was working on when you left. Take the emotion out of a conversation and choose to not fear the outcome and then just talk openly about what’s going on to trusted people.

God is a breath, a prayer away. Talk with Him constantly. He hears and understands and is the only one that can truly fill our empty places. With God, you can always talk with emotion for He never misunderstands.

Truth at all cost. Truth no matter what. Don’t disappear into yourself…relationships with others are one of the true blessings in life. Cross off people who are unhealthy and spend the time to work on the relationships that are caring, loving, and positive. The most loving ones will dare to ask you to grow at times. Don’t mistake that for unloving.

You have a voice, but must use it loud and clear. We love you dearly,