Self abuse, no control, out of opitions

Its kinda a bummer that I have trying to do better to take care of my mental illness, by going to therpy and doing yoga. But unfortinely I had an epsiode the other day over something little and now im paying the price for it. Its suck I have no control my emitions and actions. Im sorry that i had upset people, dont mean to hurt anyone.

I have punching myself in head ever since I was 13 years old, or possible earlier. It my way of punishing myself. Its always over something small and it turn into a big problem. I try to do medication, but it did not help.I use scream out words I like the C word and other nasty shit.
Thier want to pick on people, like helpless people, rip them apart mental and break them down.

I also had thoughts of hurting people and it really starting to scare me. I though of stabbing people, it really freak me out to be around knives. Its start to happen when I took the medication, I feel medication destory my soul and my being.Im afarid of it getting to an boiling point. It happen at my last job and people are scare of me.

I dont if this is the person I meant to be, I never want to be this person. I try therpy, medication, religion, and CBD oil. I thought I got over these feelings. I dont can escape of who i am.


Thanks for sharing and Iā€™m also very glad to hear that you are working to take care of your mental illness. Things like mental illness take time to heal and it may take trying other things or more time in therapy to see things improve as much as you would like. You are working hard on it and that is great! Please remember that your mental illness is not who you are, it is not your identity. Just be sure to discuss these feelings and changes with medication with your therapist and doctors who will be able to help in that area. Stay strong, we believe in you :star:

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Hey there,

Thank you for being here and opening up to us. Mental health is definitely a journey and with it come setbacks. However, that does not mean you are destined to be stuck in this place forever. The fact that you are actively working on your mental health and seeking help shows me that you are determined to work through things and keep fighting. For that reason, I truly believe you will be able to come out of this on the other side stronger and healthier. Keep fighting. We love and believe in you!

Hold Fast,
Hannah Rhodes

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Thank you so much for that, it means alot to me. This is great community and yoyr guys are helping me alot . Again thank you so much and I will keep fighting.