Had an argument yesterday, and I controlled my emotions and reactions during it, gave myself moments to think and breathe before responding.
But like 5-10 mins later, I felt the emotions building as I started to rehash it, and I felt myself starting to get emotional. But then a clear idea occurred to me:
“THIS is not for me to carry”.
And it was true, I had said my bit during the exchange, there was really no reason to revisit it since there was no new info or knowledge to gain. It would just be painful to relive it without any gains, so I… just… didn’t.
I Elsa’ed the crap out of it and just let it go.
And i felt my emotions shift back in to neutral and move into happy/peaceful terrain again.
It’s the first time I so clearly identified the impulse to rehash and revisit, which sometimes have the aura of “What did i do wrong here?”. It was pretty nice to avoid the emotional trap altogether, rather than have to go through the whole process of fall into emotional trap - process - rationalize and reason my way out if it - return to baseline emotion.
Lesson learnt - don’t carry things that aren’t yours (guilt, shame, pain, etc).
You can help someone lighten their burden, but don’t take it over completely and lose yourself under the burden of what isn’t yours.
Wishing you all peace inside May we all be Centered
That’s awesome @Sita and thank you for sharing. It’s encouraging to hear when someone can control their thoughts like you have. Ruminating can lead to some pretty dark stuff, so good for you for catching yourself and choosing to let this argument go. That in itself is amazing, because for me I don’t think there has ever in my life been a time where I didn’t go back for 2nds, 3rds and sometimes 4ths lol.
It’s so easy to do this!! But if you state your points with sincerity and clarity, and honesty, and especially if the other person is just dumping their emotions on you, then just leave whatever was thrown at you.
Not mine! Not carrying it.
Be the world’s worst tourguide @Mystrose - I didn’t bring this crap, I’m not carrying this crap, but I will walk beside you while you deal with your crap hehe
I don’t have other words here other than:
I’m very happy for you, what a wonderful moment for you.
And thank you for sharing this- this literally made my day
just wanted to update on another small victory in alternative thinking!
it was raining heavily when I went off to do some official stuff. Been years since I had to go to that building, so I automatically reached for the closest door (the usual entrance) while i was reading the sign. Realized it said “restricted” and the entrance was on a different section of the building.
The security guard starts being all “didn’t you read the sign? didn’t you see what it says?” and for a second I started to feel the usual way you do in such a situation - embarrassed, defensive, angry at being chastised.
And the thought occurred to me “Well, isn’t he enthusiastic about his job!” and that was the switch. I meant it genuinely, he was doing what he was hired for. And as I went about doing my stuff, i mused on it further.
Why else would he know to look out for people using the wrong door? Certainly I wasn’t the first who automatically went through the old entry, especially in rain. And why should I feel bad? It was a literal mistake, not even an error in judgement or anything. So I laughed a bit at myself and reminded myself to update the mental files on checking the doors for signs before I open them next time. And I made sure to tell the guy that I appreciated the good job he was doing, on my way out. No sass meant, it was a genuine statement. Because his commitment to protecting his building very enthusiastically was an opportunity to practice a broader way of thinking that wasn’t so Me-based.
Thank you a lot for sharing your progress, Sita. How amazing that you stay in your Self even during an argument and a situation where it’s easy to get lost in thoughts and emotions of wounded parts. It’s inspiring and relieving to read that as lived experience and not just from a parts work textbook. That really is the way to living a much more peaceful life.
this is why I shared it, I know it’s a nice concept to hear about, but harder to see it in practice.
That’s why I wanted to share it here, so that others can see how it happens, and maybe get some tips on how to apply it to their own lives!
May we all be Centered 
