Where to begin? I’m feeling intense sadness, guilt, remorse and self-loathing over a relationship I ENDED yet, can’t get over the recent news that my ex is seeing another person and appears to have moved on with her life. Long story, short, we were together for 6 years and during that time, I was the one who withdrew emotionally when she needed me, benefited from her providing comfort to me when my dad passed away, cheated on her emotionally and didn’t make her feel “at home” when she moved in with me; keeping all of my stuff intact and not truly allowing her to nest and settle in.
This all happened during the initial pandemic of 2020 and ended with my having her move out at the beginning of 2021. During this summer, we continued, however, to maintain contact and did things together, some of them intimately and as if things were “normal” once more. I began to feel a new sense of attachment and emotional connection with her and perhaps had the false sense that she still had strong feelings for me; despite her having told me over and over that I “broke her heart” and “stopped loving her.”
The news that she started seeing someone new came right after one of those weekends spending time together and triggered a panic/anxiety/crying jag like no other. I called in sick for four days and only just today was able to go back to work although it was all I could do to keep it together and not cry every time I obsessed more and more about this.
I feel guilt, shame, remorse, embarrassment, and jealousy like you wouldn’t believe. I also feel unworthy and don’t know how I’ll be able to get past all of this.
Thank you - this is my first post ~drK~