Severe anxiety towards relationships

Alright, so it’s been quite a while since i last was here as either poster or responder, but i couldn’t think of a better place to ask for advice about this.

So i’ve been extremely unlucky with relationships and landed my first one at age 18 (almost 22 now). It ended after 3 months, kinda messed me up and i haven’t had a relationship since then. I have talked to a lot of girls over these years and all of them have played with me like i’m a toy, the last one being in March-May this year and that left me fucked up. I had anxiety towards relationships before that whole situation, but it made things a lot worse.

Well, now i’ve taken up contact with friend that i haven’t talked to in a few months and we both quickly stated that we’re interested in each other, but we’re also both very unsure about relationships right now since she broke up with a long term boyfriend not long ago and my relationship anxiety having gotten steadily worse. I’m afraid that my anxiety will fuck things up if we decide to try dating and that in and of itself makes the anxiety even worse. And i don’t want that to happen since this girl is beyond fantastic and wonderful…

I just don’t know what to do about it.

Dude, I can tell you I’ve been there man. I had a relationship for 6 months that really screwed me up and now don’t think I can ever get into another one again. However, people keep telling me just to be myself and just do what I usually do and it’s been helping so far. I don’t know you’re certain situation but just be your absolute self. Do what you normally do, just with the other person, man. I know it’s the cliche thing to say but it’s a huge help. I had to finally just let my inner feelings for the love of metal come out even though I live in South Carolina (where metal is mostly viewed as satanic). So, the right one will come along, hopefully she will be the one to do life with you, if not then there is one out there who will and will be with you for you. Hope this helped man, just play on player.

  • TheVolleyball
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Hey Tobitheswede,

First I want to say welcome back to the forums. I want to remind you that you are loved, that you matter, and that your story matters. This is a judgement free zone, and we are here to love you and give you the support and encouragement that you deserve. Remember that you matter, and your story matters! You are wanted here, and you matter! Please don’t ever give up.

I feel you on this on so so so many levels. Relationships are hard and scary anyways, and when you’ve been hurt before it makes it everything a million times worse. I don’t want you to feel like you are stuck in this, or that you are alone, because I can promise you that isn’t the case at all. I told myself time and time again that I would never let myself fall in love again, cause it wasn’t worth the chance of pain, and I’ll be honest I think this time it was worth the chance.

Just because you’ve had your heart broken, doesn’t mean that every relationship is going to end in heart break. So please don’t give up on love no matter how cliche that may sound. I’ve struggled with this like I said, but I promise you that sometimes these things are worth the risk.

My best advice is to love yourself and take things slow. Be honest with the girl, which it seems like you have been, and just see where things go! Please remember that you are lovable, and that you are loved! Don’t ever give up, and remember you deserve a healthy happy relationship too!

Hold Fast, You’re Worth It!

Love Always,

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The constant worry that people have about their relationship failing is so normal. I’ve felt anxious and nervous about relationships in the past due to abusive relationships that I’ve had in my life. You have to just remind yourself that the risk will be worth it when you find someone worth putting yourself out there for. You cannot stress about things that haven’t happened yet, or may not happen. That WILL ruin the relationship you are building with someone. Try to have an open mind and an open heart. It’s hard, but you will find that your relationships will be much more successful.

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Thank you all for the answers and for your words! I have taken them both to heart and to mind and will definitly follow the advice you have given!