So today, Friday March 12, 2021
My 8 year old brother just said to me
“ i hope you become blind and get hit by a car”
And at the moment I didn’t care at all. But I couldn’t get it out of my head, should I do it? And this isn’t the first time I’ve been told to die or to kill myself. I’ve been called a whore, a slut, a disgraceful bitch. You name it. Those words just repeat over and over in my head, sometimes I wonder if in better off dead. But I have a couple people in my life that I really wouldn’t want to lose. And I could try to explain my pain to them but I wouldn’t want them worrying. Yesterday I got a name of my best friends name (Sanya) on my wrist and she got my name (Sarah). She’s been with me for 12 years. She means the world to me and I don’t wanna lose her. But sometimes I don’t even think. I tried to kms a few times in the past and it felt good atm, but i decided I don’t wanna be there again and I just gave up. In laying here under my blanket crying my eyes out because I want this pain to end.
hey, I am so sorry you are struggling with that pain at the moment. I think if possible it would be very beneficial for you to seek out for help. Maybe tell your best friend how you are feeling? It is totally normal to not want to worry people and to not want to be a bother. Pain is very hard to open up about. Its great you are doing it here. And there is always going to be haters out there, trust me I know. Don’t let others opinions of you define your worth. There are a fair share of people who don’t like me either. Are their opinions of me true ? Absolutely not. It is good to learn to not trust others opinion of you if it is negative but to be able to tell yourself “hey. I know myself more than they know me. I realize this is not true or a true statement.” Please stay strong. the world is a better place with you in it friend<3 practice some self care today. You are so loved.
@TouyaTodoroki
I am so sorry you are struggling through this. I have been there and felt these same ideas just my own version. Your brother sounds angry at the world the fact he told you that he hopes you become blind and get hit by a car is terrible. Never should someone ever say those words to you. I am blind myself and it is so hard I would not wish that on my worst enemy. You do not deserve to have that said to you. Hold on to that. Remember that you arent what others say. I like to live by the way of saying that what others say can only have effect if I allow it too. Fight for the good that you need as well as the words that are true.
That brings me to this. When someone says something to you it goes around and around. I feel that because I do that too. However it is important for you to learn that hey those words do not define me by any means. You are not better off dead. You are important and you need to understand that yes life wont be easy on you. I know that because I have had that issue. You deserve to have people who tell you that you have so much value. You deserve to know that you are wonderful and loved. If you need positive affirmations I will help. There is a bunch of resources here at heartsupport that can help you. Fight hard for the good and remember there will be people who tear you down for whatever reason but that just means they truly dont love the true you and need some reality check because they are wearing colored glasses rather then the truth to it.
Hold fast
Ash (I am always here)
Hey @TouyaTodoroki,
Thank you so much for sharing all of this and for being here. Words are true weapons and it’s really good to not stay alone with those when you feel like your mind is spiraling. You regain power over the pain every time you reach out, and I want to encourage you to be proud of doing it here, because it takes a lot of strength to resist against the urge to isolate.
I’m so sorry people told you such horrible things. That’s truly unfair. Those words are not the reflection of your worth or who you are though. It’s only the manifestation of those people’s limitations or emotional immaturity when they said it. But I know it’s hard not to internalize that kind of word when it’s used against us. It makes us doubt about ourselves, of our right to be loved and even more our right to exist.
You are not what they said about you and there’s so much beauty within you. Those people were just unable to see it. Which is why those words, those people, don’t deserve your energy or your attention. As you said, there are people in your life who really want the best for you, who love you and respect you, and those people are the ones to focus on. You deserve to feel loved and cared for. Through all of this, through all this pain, there is truth to seek about yourself. And what those people said about you is not the truth. Hold on to that thought, friend. Let the emotional storm pass. And know that it’s okay to reach out. You’re not a burden for doing so. The people who love you and care about you want you to be okay, to be alive.
I’m sending lots of love your way, hoping that you’ll feel a little better in times to come. You have friends right here to support you as well. You’re not alone. 
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